Time to start writing again

It's time... there are many thoughts running through my head tonight. There have been for many nights, it's just that I haven't made the time to write because somehow it feels like work, even though I know it will be good when I finally get it all out.

Three weeks ago I made a decision to move out of my parents house and moved in with a friend and one of her friends. We live in Hopkins, in a little house, and it actually has a white picket fence around the backyard. It's this great deal for rent and has a basement where I can set up my desk/computer AND easel etc. to paint.
I felt the pull to get out on my own, and at this point I don't know if it was "God's leading" or just me feeling the need to move out of my parents' house. God bless 'em, they were great for letting me take their space, but it was time.
Moving out meant finding a job... somewhere, anywhere.. (close that is) and one place that is ALWAYS hiring is Target. These things happened fast, and before I knew it I got this job and now I'm working about 40hrs/wk... and I'm asking myself... What am I doing? No, this is not the perfect fit for me, but I need to pay the bills I've now chosen to take on with moving.
It's not ideal, and often I feel I may have made the leap a little too soon. I am accepting the place where I'm at right now, but I can't pretend that it's easy or say that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that these were the right decisions. I do know that the Lord is still with me in this place I am in... He's in the struggle within me.

What I do know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that God is leading me into new and unknown waters, and it is extremely scary. I often feel like I'm on a rollercoaster of feelings... thoughts of excitement about what free-lancing and painting might look like, but then to be contrasted with thoughts wondering if I really can make it work and ever survive without another income.


I still have yet to land on a name for my free-lancing company... the one I have been tossing around is LizBec Design... but when I tell others, they don't give me the impression that it's a great name. It's not ALL about what others think, but it does make a difference and I'm still not even sold on it.

Just Design it!

That's a terrible play on words... or I don't even know if it's a play on words... it's instead of "Just Do it"... you know, Nike.

Anyways... I've kicked myself in the butt and decided that the only best time to start this free-lancing I keep talking about is NOW. The present... if I don't just start, I'll never do anything, it'll always be... "I'll start when I get a full time job, or when the summer ends, or when pigs fly... basically... and I don't want that to happen.

SO...... here we go... I don't know exactly where the best place is to start, except that figuring out a name for myself, my company is probably a good place. That's where I get stuck... Lisa's Designs is boring... I want something that's me, but isn't overboard. Anybody out there like to play with words or come up with ideas?? Heelllp!

What do you need from me to help YOU brainstorm? Let me know...

cheers.

remembering julie... and the struggle of the process

Last week in the midst of my thursday I heard some terrible news. A friend that I had reconnected with, a few months before I left for Australia, died in a tragic death at the Temperance River.

The last 7days have been rough. I've struggled with many thoughts... such as... I didn't know her as long as some, why am I so upset? Of course I'm upset, she was an amazing woman who connected with others and was intentional about where she invested her time. I was honored to be invested in, and invest in her in return.

As I type this, images of her run through my mind. I think we connected on a deep level without even having loads of deep conversations. I just knew she cared about our friendship and where it was going... I think we both knew that it was going to be long lasting. I think that's where the hit comes so hard, I was so looking forward to spending time getting to know her more. We were supposed to counsel together in a couple of weeks at the jr high Angel Tree camp, which happened to be held at the same camp we both counseled at back in the summer of 1999. At that time, as I've been sharing with others lately, Julie and I never really spoke much and the only reason I can come up with is because my best friend was counseling with me that summer. I really wish the circumstances back then were different, but in this last year it was our joke that "we never spoke back then, not a word."

I brought up a question or struggle last night as I was posting on a wall of a friend on facebook... i said,

"i've wrestled sometimes with knowing what/how to pray... except for comfort and peace. sometimes, truthfully(- using in tribute to julie) i tire of praying it over and again, i want there to be something else to say".

And also, truthfully there are more words to say to my God in heaven, my abba father, but the words are just my struggle and i want to have words that feel like they are "helping" in some way or something. I know God knows my heart, and he's not interested in my exact wording... I guess just showing up is even enough sometimes. But then, sometimes I struggle saying "I'm praying for you, or my prayers are with you" to others because in this specific situation I really don't have the words to pray. Can you pray for others without words? Or maybe it's that I really don't give it as much thought, i give up with the words. i don't know... just processing this as i type. any thoughts out there?

Thanks for listening to my ramblings tonight.

I guess this begins my posts at Random Lisa Thoughts... although it sounds like blogging is especially rare these days...

Look to: www.lookingforaruggedaussieman.blogspot.com from now on

Hello my friends... I will no longer be posting here, so like the title says... go to:
www.lookingforaruggedaussieman.blogspot.com for posts leading up to and as I am in Australia.

peace out-

Q. Where does tie dye come from?

A. Africa

This was another one of those "kids say the darndest things"... this time it was Sarah.

I was commenting on her shirt because it was a pretty tie dye pink swirl. So she says, "I know where tie dye comes from!" So I say, "where?" And she replies, "from Africa" I asked, "how did you find that out?" "From a TV show about Africa, they were making tie dye shirts."

So, there you have it.... Where tie dye comes from, by Sarah, age 6.

Soon to come is an entry about one of my childhood hang-out places being knocked down. It even comes with pictures. Until then....

ciao

Kids say the Darndest things

My sister and the fam were here this weekend. On Friday evening, my sister, Pat and I went to the place we're getting our tattoos to plan what we wanted. It was good to get some inspiration and to make sure he can do what each of us wanted.

On Saturday afternoon I had some time to play with Sarah and Josh... here's a little excerpt from one conversation.

While swinging on the bench swing on the swing set with Sarah and Josh I was saying how much I loved them both. I leaned over and pecked each of their heads. I didn't quite get Josh's head, but knew he realized what I was doing. He said something and then stood up on the swing and grabbed at the top of the canopy. I asked him what he was doing and he said, "I was catching your kiss, it floated up to the ceiling."
I love that boy... he's really into blowing kisses, and if you don't catch his kisses, he gets upset! :) cutie.

another spider story

This afternoon after one of the many rain/sprinkle/spit episodes, I went to open the picture window in the living room. I unlocked the window started opening, and to my left (not by the screened part) was a LARGE spider! I'm posting a picture I tried to take, it's a little blurry, but it's large. (i should point out, it's on the OUTside)
I'd like to call it ugly and very frightening, but it's not ugly black which intrigues me the slightest bit. It's like one of those "it's so awful you don't want to look, but you have to, or still somehow want to" does that make any sense. Or, as my sister told me of the pictures we took of the birth of Julia... (ie. they were sorta graphic) she didn't necessarily love the angle of the shots, but also just had to look because of the miracle. So, spiders I wouldn't say are the best miracle of the world, but to see the intricacies of the arachnid is pretty amazing. so... interesting yet, still mildly paralyzing to me. (i can't believe i just compared my niece's birth to an arachnid!)

I think that it was a wrong choice to watch that awful movie "Arachnaphobia" when I was in middle school. I really think that's where my fear deepened.. seriously. Who wouldn't be freaked out by deadly spiders... they can migrate to different cultures... it's not like it's out of the complete realm of possibility.

This really looked like a mini-turantula (sp?), makes my knees weak. blech...
Here's the infamous creature:

It's really hard to figure the size, but it's body is about the size of my thumbnail, but maybe a little less wide. eeeeewwwwww...
atleast it's on the OUTside... and it better stay there!

It's up!

I decided to just "Go 4 Launch".... click here for a direct link to my new Aussie blog! Woot Woot!

Connected!

For almost two weeks now, my computer has been dis-connected from the internet. I kept thinking to myself, "This computer was a ton of money, I should be able to use it without being connected to the internet." It's amazing how crippled I felt the computer was without having internet!

The last two weeks have been really busy with work, and it didn't help with 4th of July being at such an odd time. I finally got to yesterday and was relieved to see that the folders on my desk were all pretty much up to date. What a great feeling, so with all that done I left a little early!

I wrote a blog for my new blog site in that span of time, knowing that while in Australia, I may not have a lot of time on the internet and will be needing to journal at times I'm not "connected." I'm still working on the new blog look, but hopefully it will be up next week! Hurrah!

This next week I will be house-sitting for two friends... they live not a mile down from each other. I'm glad I can help both of them out! One family has two dogs, the other two cats... and of course plants to water, etc. It shouldn't be too hard, and they live by some biking trails so I might do some of that this week. Yay!

it's NOT about me

⁷⁴To grant us that we, being rescued from the hand of our enemies,
Might serve Him without fear,
⁷⁵In holiness and righteousness before Him all our days.
⁷⁶"And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High;
For you will go on BEFORE THE LORD TO PREPARE HIS WAYS;
⁷⁷To give to His people the knowledge of salvation
By the forgiveness of their sins,
⁷⁸Because of the tender mercy of our God,
With which the Sunrise from on high will visit us,
⁷⁹ TO SHINE UPON THOSE WHO SIT IN DARKNESS AND THE SHADOW OF DEATH,
To guide our feet into the way of peace."
Luke 1:74-79 Zacharias's Prophecy (the last half)
(capitals added by bible.com... color added by me)

These verses spoke to me tonight in an unpexpected way.
I was looking for a verse to go with the blog I'm setting up and this one popped up in my search of "serve" at "bible.com." I know I have read this passage before, but it really sunk in tonight... the first thing that jumped out was at the end of verse 74 where it says "[That they] Might serve Him without fear" -
For the longest time I've always feared that I won't say the right thing when it comes time for me to really lead someone into a genuine relationship with Christ. That fear comes from many different places, one of those places was the time I was "trained" as a camp counselor. I was still very immature in my faith, and the training didn't seem to express that it wasn't about me saying the right things or verses. I came away with this heaviness around how I was going to "make sure" each child in my cabin knew whether or not she was going to heaven.
What I've learned over the last 6years or so, is that I had a role to play, but it wasn't the main character. The role was to let the Holy Spirit speak through me, and He will do the rest. Though the fear still lingers, I believe that God will use this willing heart however He desires, with or without words.

Thank God, it's not about me!

YWAM.... info...

A new blog... etc is coming very soon... just thought I'd let you know... I'm hoping to get it going by the first week in July (it's so soon already!!).

Any suggestions for fun adventurous names of the blog?!

in the last two weeks

I packed boxes.
Went to two grad parties.
Packed more boxes.
Read up on the Belize blog.
Procrastinated packing all boxes.
Mom came over to stop the procrastination.
Had my Dad and Brother in Law move my furniture and some boxes on Father's Day.
Packed boxes with my sister, josh, and sarah's help.
Ate Buffalo Wild Wings for Father's Day Dinner.
Expedited my passport renewal.
Made trips to my house for more stuff to move.
Brought my mom and dad to Erin's Cookie Nook before bringing them to the airport.
Procrastinated UNpacking boxes.
Went to a grad party.
UNpacked some boxes.
Went to another grad party.
Went to dinner to celebrate a wonderful friend.

And here I am at almost midnight...
The Belize team is back, and I heard some stories... they were beautiful stories and I also just looked at some pictures which are equally as beautiful!

Thank you Lord for doing a mighty work in the relationships that were formed and renewed. For showing your Glory in the lives of the students and Belizeans.

it hurts

my heart

that I have to stay back, and the others get to go to the place I left some of my heart

when you're put in a place that you know you need to be, but desperately want to be in another at the same time

...
the youth belize team is leaving tomorrow morning. i don't know what else to say about it, except that it just hit me today how much i wish i could go. i've said and thought it many times, i just didn't know how it would land when it came down to the day.

i hurt..
i want to be with them
i want to grieve the loss of cindy again without distraction of a youth pastor having been fired the next day
i want to talk to vicky(her mom), but feel like it has been SO long since I've talked to her that now i can't
i want to love on them the best i know how
....

Lord,
give the students eyes to see and ears to hear what you want them to... how they can love on the Ariolas... yet, not overwhelm them.
may vicky and neal feel the love and support and be able to take it in.
amen

Painting Project

I forgot to tell about later that night! My sister and I were doing this painting project with the kids the week prior and needed to finish. In short, we painted 3 canvases each a diff color to match their bedspread. On each canvas we wanted the kids to put hand and feet prints on with white paint. Seems simple enough, but the hardest part was convincing them that it would look cool, and that it wasn't for their rooms anyways! :)

We first did Sarah's and made a flower from her hand prints and the stem with her feet. (that was the week earlier)... next we attempted to do little flowers with Julia's hands and stems with her feet. The feet worked pretty good, the hands were a WHOLE 'nother story. I wasn't optimistic about the hands, but my sister was determined and in the effort I accidentally clocked her in the eye with the canvas. The whole time Julia was a "bit" upset with the whole fiasco, so my sister finally gave up and we decided to just make "vines" out of her feet marks. Joshua was surprisingly hard to convince at first as well, but finally we made a deal with him and he cooperated. With his we made a "palm" tree... haha get it? Palm tree?!? Haha... okay, bad joke... but it turned out pretty cute!

Such fun times!

Much fun in the land of Tinkerbell birthday parties!

About a week ago was Sarah's 6th birthday. It was a crazy zoo that my sister and I BOTH learned lessons from. Everything went fine as far as the kids knew, but we weren't prepared as we thought ("we" should be held loosely, my sis didn't expect me to do a whole lot of prep), so while the kids were first showing up we were gluing(sp?) butterflies on sticks to make "fairy wands" and twisting star wire garlands to make fairy "crowns" or "garlands."

While doing so, the girls were running up and down the stairs from the playroom to Sarah's room to the living room. All the while, in the living room "Peter Pan" was playing and in Sarah's room a boombox was playing songs like Pink's "Get the Party Started" sung by some kids band, and that was the favorite song so it was played over and over. Needless to say, it was time to really "Get the Party Started," so my sister decided to pull out Pin the Tail on the "Unicorn" while I finished the fairy garlands. My dad even got in on the fairy garland making action which proved to be a great help in finishing.

After "Pin the Tail on the Unicorn," we had them make their little "wands." I have to stop and say that my sister is very creative... no that's too conservative.. EXTREMELY creative when it comes to crafts for little kids (not to mention, makes the best birthday cakes! decorated and all). I get so stressed out with little kids hovering around me needing help, I could have never decided what would be the easiest thing to make. I don't think these were easy, but Karen sure made it seem pretty easy. After the wand making craft, I handed out their "fairy garlands" and they took a break from structure and had the run of the place while we cleaned up a bit and got ready for the "Tinkerbell Pinãta."
(This is where the fun started (for me atleast).)

For the first hour or so the boys were still hanging around the house helping with whatever they could. But, the plan was for my dad to take Pat and Josh out on the boat while the girls were taking over the house.

The original plan my sister had was to have the Pinãta hang from the basketball hoop, but the boys had already left and they don't have a ladder. I decided that we could hang it from a tree, and I'd just climb up and tie the Pinãta on one of the branches. It was a great excuse to climb a tree, so I was all over it! Litterally. It wasn't too high, but I did use a chair to find leverage. I had forgotten that the tree would be moist, since it had been raining earlier in the day, so as I fenagled my way up (very ungracefully) my pants got a bit dirty and wet. The girls were in a stitch over me climbing and getting dirty. They kept saying "Your feet are all dirty!"

What makes it even more funny (and I think I forgot to tell my sister), was that I thought it was the kind where they were going to hit until they could get candy out. You know, the traditional long-standing way to do a Pinãta. (i bet i don't need to capitalize that! :)) Apparently, they make some now that have strings at the bottom, everyone grabs a string and pulls at the count of 3! It's probably best for that age, but I was expecting to "make it hard" and move the pinãta around so everyone had a chance to try. Thus, the more importance of being in the tree to have that kind of access. The sad part was that we never got a picture of me in the tree, just all the little girlies pulling the strings and then scavanging for the candy and prizes! OF course, it wasn't about me, but it would've been a funny site to see! (you can see my legs dangling down, though)

One of the biggest reasons I planned on being at the party was to do face painting, but I quickly realized that it might not really be needed. The time of the party was 2pm-4pm, and by the time the pinãta was finished, I think it was close to 3:15/30 and we hadn't done presents or cake. Those things went to just about 4, so I painted faces at the end as the moms were showing up. The mom's were all pretty flexible and waited for their kids to get painted, but working under pressure doesn't produce the best results in some cases. Atleast they are only 6 and probably don't have much to compare it to. Sarah kept her purple kitty on her face until monday I think!

It was so fun to see her interact with all her little friends, it's so apparent that she is definitely the social butterfly and is not very shy!

Thanks to those who stuck the whole story out, there was just so much to say! And, that was only SAturday. Sunday was lunch with the family to celebrate... and that was lots of fun, too! But, I'll leave all the details out. :)

party pictures...

Julia got all cleaned up for Sarah's birthday!


Sarah and her friends making "fairy wands" during her Tinkerbell party.

Presents!
The little girl with the brown hair at the top of the pic had the sweetest squeaky voice and was so petite!)

Happy Birthday Sarah!

(playing with play-dough in september)

Today is my niece, Sarah's, 6th Birthday! Six years ago to the day, she was born around 5ish... (i'm not her mom, i don't have to remember). One of the happiest days of my life, I had never experienced a birth so closely related, I can't imagine how it might feel one day to have my own children.
This weekend is all about Sarah, tomorrow is a birthday party with her friends that I'll be painting faces, arms, etc. at, along with crowd control in which the last I heard there were 8 who RSVP'd. Shouldn't be too bad :).
Sunday afternoon is lunch at my parents' place with the whole fam, mom dad, gramma, lee, and ant berda. We haven't been all together since Christmas, so it should be a good time to catch up and celebrate a little girl we all love so dearly!

Details shall come after the festivities.

April 30th, already?!

two things...

• I can't believe how fast this month went by!! A month ago this very night/(early morning) I was waiting for a call from my sister to tell me I needed to high-tail my butt up to St. Cloud to see my niece being born. I never got the call, but as planned I drove up at 7:30am. It got me to thinking... (how time flies)... is it because the weather is nicer and that I am more pleased with life overall because of that fact, or is it because I really do get a lot busier? It's probably a combination, in which if so, does that mean if I lived in Florida and had the same life that it would be busier?
  

• I was in Paynesville today playing with the nieces and nephew (i've wanted to say that for a long time :)) and sis and bro in law. It was a delightful time! We played on the computer, ate lunch, played "baseball" after watching the poor twins loose, and painted canvases. Julia of course didn't do much active playing, just the occasional cry and dirty diaper and feeding. My mom got some good pictures with me and the gang... when I get them from her, I plan to promptly post them! :)

Karma with K & C

If I believed in Karma.... this would be a great example.
The story I am about to tell doesn't have a whole lot to do with me, just something I witnessed with two individuals who I grew up with in youth group. They were the "trouble makers" back in the day and now one has a position with the youth in the church and the other is stepping in as a leader for awhile again. I'll just be calling them K&C, it probably doesn't matter, but owell.

This is how it goes... After youth group on wed. night I saw C and spoke with him about some pictures I found for Seniors Night. As we were talking K interupted and went on to tell C about an incident that happened in his small group room.
Apparently, before K reached his small group room the guys thought it would be fun to light a ping pong ball on fire to see what would happen(i came up with the reason, it's the only one i've figured). I'm a little uninformed about how the fire was put out exactly, or by whom, but in the process there was a large burn mark that was made in the carpet.
Absolutely hilarious. It's nice that K was good enough to give C a heads up before he heard about it from someone else.

Oh, how I wish I could be a fly on the wall inside the family life cubicles on a thursday morning/afternoon!

Here's to all the youth workers of the world! :)

Velvet Elvis

For the last couple months I have been reading the book, "Velvet Elvis" by Rob Bell. I just finished and have so many things running through my head... good things... hard things... questions.. here is what I have to share about it tonight...

You all know that I have been accepted into a DTS (discipleship training school) program with YWAM (youth with a mission) in Australia. I've had a passion to serve for many years.. the least and lost have always been at the center of my soul. Youth have also been a big passion as well, and the place I have served for almost 10 years. But, another passion that has been simmering in me for the last couple years is serving in the community. I say "simmering" because since the first spark, I haven't done a whole lot about it.

A few years ago I lived in an apartment in Brooklyn Park in a semi-sketchy neighborhood.. Zane and 65th. It was a complex of many buildings, ours was shaped like a "U" and in the middle was a large parking lot. We had a ground level apartment with a patio that went out to the parking . The area was always a swarm with children of all ages... sometimes getting into trouble, other times just playing in the small yards near the patios.
My roomates and I often kept the patio door open in the warm months and the kids seemed to swarm to our patio slab. I decided at some point to buy bubbles and another time a bucket of chalk. It wasn't something I had an agenda for, just a place for the kids to play and have fun.

Why am I sharing this? Well, it's the place where that simmering began, and I've often missed those days... also because "Velvet Elvis" answered a question I always had at those times... and that was... "should I be doing more?" meaning, the doctrine from my counselor days in the summer after my senior year came flooding back. I never felt "good enough" because I rarely sat down with each of my girls to get them to "convert" or "re-dedicate"... I hated that part. I always had this guilty feeling turning in my papers at the end of the week.
Here is a great quote that I always felt in my spirit, that speaks to this situation....

"Oftentimes the Christian community has sent the message that we love people and build relationships in order to convert them to the Christian faith. So there is an agenda. And when there is an agenda, it isn't really love, is it? We have to rediscover love, period. Love that loves because it is what Jesus teaches us to do. We have to surrender our agendas. Because some people aren't going to become Christians like us no matter how hard we push. They just aren't. And at some point we have to commit them to God, trusting that God loves them more than we ever could."
-Rob Bell, Velvet Elvis

I'm not saying here that we shouldn't share our faith, but I want to learn how to do it so that it doesn't have an agenda. That it's me sharing this love that I cannot explain... without asking the person at the end if they want to become a christian, and can you repeat this prayer after me. If the person desires that, I'm trusting that God will speak to their heart. I don't have to be the one to help them say a prayer... I don't have to be there at all.