no. not the show on usa.
tonight i decided i needed to wash my norwex antibac cloth but didn't want to do a load of laundry. I decided to boil it... I put it in a pot with water, turned on the stove and headed downstairs to check some emails "quick"..
pause for a short commercial break. if you don't know what norwex is, click here or just be satisfied with knowing they are amazing cloths that you don't have to use chemicals/cleaners/cleansers to clean with.
back to the story..
30/45mins later I heard beeping.. did i put on the timer? hmm... (reality sets in) OH CRAP... I ran upstairs to a smoke filled kitchen/living room (not dark black smoke, though) and the pot on the oven with no water left and smoldering leftover of the cloth. i quickly removed the pot from the burner and ran around frantically opening doors and windows to let the smoke out (and to breathe fresh air). meanwhile the burner was still on and i'm coughing from smoke inhalation. i turned the burner off and stuck my head outside for the second time for some more fresh air during this time i was also waving a towel all around to direct the smoke out and also realized maybe i should set the thermostat down so the heat doesn't try to compensate. then, i had this brilliant idea of bringing the fan upstairs to point out the door to get more smoke out. once i got the fan upstairs and pointed out the door, it didn't seem to be as effective (erin, is this usage of the word correct?) as i first thought, but owell. about 10 minutes later i decided the smoke dissipated enough to close the doors, and i didn't want it to take all night to re-heat the house. this could have been much worse, so if this is at all amusing to you, i don't take offense. i just can't believe myself sometimes.
(i think i switched between writing in present tense to past or vice versa, so if something sounds funny, that's why. i don't feel like combing over it)
i cannot be trusted with leaving anything on the stove... what the heck was i thinking?!! I wonder how bad it is to inhale smoke from a cloth that had a silver lining? my lungs kinda hurt a little, but it's going away gradually.
so, if you ever thought "who would do that anyways" when reading those warnings about leaving something on the stove unattended or candles for that matter... it's me.
Thank the Lord that there were no flames or extensive damage, either!! (atleast I didn't see any flames!)
until next time...
cheers
Friday, January 23, 2009
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Happy New Year.... Raheem!
Tomorrow is New Year's Eve... I wish everyone a Happy New Year.
This year was filled with many high highs and low lows. I feel like a broken record, as I mentioned the same thing in the previous post, but it's true. And, on Saturday night, there was one last(hopefully) low, yet not so low at the same time. My dear young friend Raheem from Hopkins Village, Belize passed away due to complications with double pneumonia. His family hurried him to the hospital in Belize City only to find that their ventilator wasn’t working. They tried hand forcing the oxygen but finally Raheem asked for them to stop.
It is such a hard deal. He brought so much joy and life into many peoples lives, yet many days his health was not so good. The days I was able to be with him a couple years ago, were precious ones, filled with many giggles, smiles, and teasing. He was a good teaser. There were also moments where he was in pain, and just wanted to be alone or didn't have a whole lot to say. The last night I saw him, he said this to me, "Good bye Lisa, see you late.. uh next summer or uh sometime... Goodbye" He knew that I might not be back, so he said goodbye.
As much as I'm saddened by this, it also means Raheem is now running, skipping, jumping and swimming along with his sister Cindy who passed about two years ago now. Another cool thing is that this spring/summer Raheem got to live his dream and fly in a helicopter. Amazing.
I just pray now for their family... may comfort be surrounding them, most especially Destiny the last one who also has the disease. There are two other children, Sarah and Josiah... their mother is Vicky and their father is Neal. May they not lose sight of their savior. Emmanuel.. God with Us.
This year was filled with many high highs and low lows. I feel like a broken record, as I mentioned the same thing in the previous post, but it's true. And, on Saturday night, there was one last(hopefully) low, yet not so low at the same time. My dear young friend Raheem from Hopkins Village, Belize passed away due to complications with double pneumonia. His family hurried him to the hospital in Belize City only to find that their ventilator wasn’t working. They tried hand forcing the oxygen but finally Raheem asked for them to stop.
It is such a hard deal. He brought so much joy and life into many peoples lives, yet many days his health was not so good. The days I was able to be with him a couple years ago, were precious ones, filled with many giggles, smiles, and teasing. He was a good teaser. There were also moments where he was in pain, and just wanted to be alone or didn't have a whole lot to say. The last night I saw him, he said this to me, "Good bye Lisa, see you late.. uh next summer or uh sometime... Goodbye" He knew that I might not be back, so he said goodbye.
As much as I'm saddened by this, it also means Raheem is now running, skipping, jumping and swimming along with his sister Cindy who passed about two years ago now. Another cool thing is that this spring/summer Raheem got to live his dream and fly in a helicopter. Amazing.
I just pray now for their family... may comfort be surrounding them, most especially Destiny the last one who also has the disease. There are two other children, Sarah and Josiah... their mother is Vicky and their father is Neal. May they not lose sight of their savior. Emmanuel.. God with Us.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Reflections of Christmas and the New Year
On this eve of Christmas eve, well actually it's 1am, so it IS xmas eve... I sit amongst the gifts I've wrapped and reflect on the time that has passed this year.
MUCH has gone on in my life and in my friends and families lives, as usual, but this last year it just seems like so much more. For me, there were many transitions and changes from travels to several countries, to adjusting back home, figuring out what to do when your plans don't work out, moving out of the 'rents house and finding a job to pay the bills.
My "christmas card" broadly made points on each of these things, but as I listened to this week's sermon online some things became a little clearer. The message title was The Unexpected Cost of Mary's "Yes" and it really got me thinking about the place I am in right now.
Since before I left Australia, the Lord gave me an invitation, to follow in the footsteps of the unknown and trust that He will provide. I accepted an invitation to live life in a different way, to not go back to where I was before I left. I am in new waters... and they are hard to wade through at times. I am constantly reminded that as a culture, what we "do" for a living is highly valued. And for me, when I talk about my "job" and what I do for a "living"... I have these mixed feelings inside. I get a knee jerk when I tell people I work at Ritz Camera/Proex Portraits because my education was for Graphic Design and I just got back from a Discipleship Training School... why am I not a missionary or a designer for some company? I fear that people will judge me because I'm not using my education and I said "no" to going back to my old job where I was making a decent amount more than I do now. Who does that?
Me.
If you've followed my blog at all in the last 6mos. you know that my original plans upon returning were to get a job at a coffee shop... get the feel for what it's like. One of my ideas in the future is to own/work for/co-colaborate a coffee shop that incorporates art, music, and loose ministry, and GOOD coffee and tea... a place for people to connect and build relationship.
No jobs were opening up in the coffee shop biz... times are tight... plan b. I didn't have a plan b, and so I desperately found a job at Target... hated it. THen, landed a job at Proex.
Okay, so, what does all this mean and how is this a reflection of Christmas... I think it's a theme for a lot of us, that when we say "yes" to God we don't know what the weight of that yes fully means until we're in the midst of it. Mary didn't know either... but HE did. And He throws a lot of stuff on us that we ourselves can't handle... without Him.
So, this new year, I'm leaning on Him again and often times I will fail to spend as much time with Him as I want to... but I'm going to try harder... not because I should, because I desire and want to...
I'm going to step out in faith and focus on the things I want to do... my greeting card line, and also be in conversation to others about the coffee shop idea. I know God has placed these things on my heart and I want to see what He will do with them.
(p.s. it's actually dec. 26th.. haha)
MUCH has gone on in my life and in my friends and families lives, as usual, but this last year it just seems like so much more. For me, there were many transitions and changes from travels to several countries, to adjusting back home, figuring out what to do when your plans don't work out, moving out of the 'rents house and finding a job to pay the bills.
My "christmas card" broadly made points on each of these things, but as I listened to this week's sermon online some things became a little clearer. The message title was The Unexpected Cost of Mary's "Yes" and it really got me thinking about the place I am in right now.
Since before I left Australia, the Lord gave me an invitation, to follow in the footsteps of the unknown and trust that He will provide. I accepted an invitation to live life in a different way, to not go back to where I was before I left. I am in new waters... and they are hard to wade through at times. I am constantly reminded that as a culture, what we "do" for a living is highly valued. And for me, when I talk about my "job" and what I do for a "living"... I have these mixed feelings inside. I get a knee jerk when I tell people I work at Ritz Camera/Proex Portraits because my education was for Graphic Design and I just got back from a Discipleship Training School... why am I not a missionary or a designer for some company? I fear that people will judge me because I'm not using my education and I said "no" to going back to my old job where I was making a decent amount more than I do now. Who does that?
Me.
If you've followed my blog at all in the last 6mos. you know that my original plans upon returning were to get a job at a coffee shop... get the feel for what it's like. One of my ideas in the future is to own/work for/co-colaborate a coffee shop that incorporates art, music, and loose ministry, and GOOD coffee and tea... a place for people to connect and build relationship.
No jobs were opening up in the coffee shop biz... times are tight... plan b. I didn't have a plan b, and so I desperately found a job at Target... hated it. THen, landed a job at Proex.
Okay, so, what does all this mean and how is this a reflection of Christmas... I think it's a theme for a lot of us, that when we say "yes" to God we don't know what the weight of that yes fully means until we're in the midst of it. Mary didn't know either... but HE did. And He throws a lot of stuff on us that we ourselves can't handle... without Him.
So, this new year, I'm leaning on Him again and often times I will fail to spend as much time with Him as I want to... but I'm going to try harder... not because I should, because I desire and want to...
I'm going to step out in faith and focus on the things I want to do... my greeting card line, and also be in conversation to others about the coffee shop idea. I know God has placed these things on my heart and I want to see what He will do with them.
(p.s. it's actually dec. 26th.. haha)
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Last week was the Novembering service at Open Door.. they set aside specific time to remember those who we've lost in the past year. I didn't know that a part of the sermon would be recounting some of the memories from Julie's death. I felt it again as I heard it the first time, albeit less sobbing and more just free flowing tears, and I realized how close it still felt and still how tragic it happened.
I still really miss her, and still wonder how it can hurt so much when it felt like we'd only known each other for such a short time. In all honesty, there were times since I had gotten back until her death that I wondered if we always really "clicked" or if she really enjoyed my company. I guess that stuff was just my insecurity, maybe because she talked so much of the time and I wondered if she thought it odd that I didn't always have something to say. This much I know now, she was like that with everyone, and that's why we loved her so much. The things she said always had to do with people, because she cared about everyone so much and could tell stories of our lives to her other friends. Of course, it wasn't gossip... most of the time.... :) ;) She just... well.. yeah, she was a story teller.. a really good story teller, and I loved to listen to her.
There was this one time though... I was at home talking to my mom about something "semi" important or atleast it was just a good conversation.. and julie called... the first thing I thought was... hmm, this might be a long convo. but, maybe not. Well, sure enough... we finished making some plans and then somehow she told me all about this other thing that happened on some other day that sort of fit and yet also was definitely a bunny trail. At the end of the conversation we laughed about how the majority of the conversation had nothing to do with the initial call. I went back to the kitchen to find my mom and if I recall correctly, it took us a few minutes to remember what we had been talking about. The thing is, I love stories, especially ones with good/interesting or funny endings... and hers most always had them.
Thanks for listening blog-land... it's good to tell stories and thoughts... I guess it just helps in the process of this. So, this is what remains, it's still hard... 4months or whatever later... and there's no guidebook on grief (okay, maybe there is, but i don't know where it is)... so i just let myself feel what it is at that moment, and not drag it on if it's not there.
yep... so ... love you and miss you still julie... oh wandering sales!
I still really miss her, and still wonder how it can hurt so much when it felt like we'd only known each other for such a short time. In all honesty, there were times since I had gotten back until her death that I wondered if we always really "clicked" or if she really enjoyed my company. I guess that stuff was just my insecurity, maybe because she talked so much of the time and I wondered if she thought it odd that I didn't always have something to say. This much I know now, she was like that with everyone, and that's why we loved her so much. The things she said always had to do with people, because she cared about everyone so much and could tell stories of our lives to her other friends. Of course, it wasn't gossip... most of the time.... :) ;) She just... well.. yeah, she was a story teller.. a really good story teller, and I loved to listen to her.
There was this one time though... I was at home talking to my mom about something "semi" important or atleast it was just a good conversation.. and julie called... the first thing I thought was... hmm, this might be a long convo. but, maybe not. Well, sure enough... we finished making some plans and then somehow she told me all about this other thing that happened on some other day that sort of fit and yet also was definitely a bunny trail. At the end of the conversation we laughed about how the majority of the conversation had nothing to do with the initial call. I went back to the kitchen to find my mom and if I recall correctly, it took us a few minutes to remember what we had been talking about. The thing is, I love stories, especially ones with good/interesting or funny endings... and hers most always had them.
Thanks for listening blog-land... it's good to tell stories and thoughts... I guess it just helps in the process of this. So, this is what remains, it's still hard... 4months or whatever later... and there's no guidebook on grief (okay, maybe there is, but i don't know where it is)... so i just let myself feel what it is at that moment, and not drag it on if it's not there.
yep... so ... love you and miss you still julie... oh wandering sales!
tales of target, fall, and the art in me
The last time I wrote I was in much confusion about where I was headed and how it was going... I was sifting through it. I still am, but I have found a better fitting full time job now, which has brought a certain peace to my soul.
Let's back track a bit before I tell of my new position.
If there was one thing I learned from Target, it was how much I'll appreciate the service from the employees, the ones who put my fitting room items back... and the ones who also put back my returns... and the ones who help me find things and ask "can i help you find something" even though they hate feeling like a bother. I've also learned that it is much harder to begin a conversation being the one who is ringing your purchase because you've said the same things over and over to the guest and after the 5th one, it's hard to be original. I loved when the guest would engage in my question of "how are you today" and ask me the same thing.
The fall went by quickly and technically I suppose it's still fall... but I so enjoyed watching the leaves turn colors. I didn't get to see much of that last year, as I left just as they started to change. I raked leaves in my back yard and took walks around the neighborhood and even biked all the way to Lk Calhoun and back from Hopkins. Although in the fall there were many cries out to God saying "HELP ME, WHAT HAVE I DONE?!"... He's guided my steps and brought me to a place of deep dependence and continuing understanding of being His Beloved.
About two weeks ago during a spiritual direction session a question was posed to me that maybe painting and creating in my Rabbi's presence is something he is calling me to, things that are only for Him and for nobody else. Creating things for Him, just because. Going back to the basics and not worrying about color theory, concept, or layout... just putting colors on paper and seeing what happens. The times I have done this have been kind of theraputic, and oftentimes hard because I always have this dialog going in my head thinking about concepts and fonts and layouts. Getting out of that mind-set is hard, but I think it is essential to learn before I go deeper into starting any kind of business. (I'm not saying it's totally on hold... just on stand-by, if you will)
As I look back over the last years, everything I've ever created (aside from photos and personal things) has always been "for something"... be it a customer, family member, friend, school assignment, or projects during DTS (I always felt like my paintings had to measure up to something). In all of those scenarios, there was someone I was trying to impress or do my best for.. it wasn't all wrong, but if you don't have balance, it's not a good thing. During outreach I was really faced with these things... so afraid that my paintings wouldn't be "good enough" and could I even be called an artist. For so long, I've wrapped a lot of my identity in being an artist, when the truest thing about me to the core is that I am God's Beloved, His child. He loves the gifts he has given me, but they alone don't make me who I am. He desires for me to use them but not find myself in them. As an artist, it is hard to be balanced and put yourself into a creation, yet have a separation knowing that if it doesn't meet someone's expectations it doesn't mean you personally have failed. Even in writing that, I confuse where the line is and have a hard time explaning the concept. I guess I'm still articulating it, but what I know is true is that I need to spend time creating just to create... for my Abba.. and for nobody else... and if at some point I decide to use some of those things in the future, so be it. But, I do know that some of those things are for Him and Him only.
I was going to write about my current job now, but I think it makes more sense to just leave this post as is... until next time...
cheers, mate!
Let's back track a bit before I tell of my new position.
If there was one thing I learned from Target, it was how much I'll appreciate the service from the employees, the ones who put my fitting room items back... and the ones who also put back my returns... and the ones who help me find things and ask "can i help you find something" even though they hate feeling like a bother. I've also learned that it is much harder to begin a conversation being the one who is ringing your purchase because you've said the same things over and over to the guest and after the 5th one, it's hard to be original. I loved when the guest would engage in my question of "how are you today" and ask me the same thing.
The fall went by quickly and technically I suppose it's still fall... but I so enjoyed watching the leaves turn colors. I didn't get to see much of that last year, as I left just as they started to change. I raked leaves in my back yard and took walks around the neighborhood and even biked all the way to Lk Calhoun and back from Hopkins. Although in the fall there were many cries out to God saying "HELP ME, WHAT HAVE I DONE?!"... He's guided my steps and brought me to a place of deep dependence and continuing understanding of being His Beloved.
About two weeks ago during a spiritual direction session a question was posed to me that maybe painting and creating in my Rabbi's presence is something he is calling me to, things that are only for Him and for nobody else. Creating things for Him, just because. Going back to the basics and not worrying about color theory, concept, or layout... just putting colors on paper and seeing what happens. The times I have done this have been kind of theraputic, and oftentimes hard because I always have this dialog going in my head thinking about concepts and fonts and layouts. Getting out of that mind-set is hard, but I think it is essential to learn before I go deeper into starting any kind of business. (I'm not saying it's totally on hold... just on stand-by, if you will)
As I look back over the last years, everything I've ever created (aside from photos and personal things) has always been "for something"... be it a customer, family member, friend, school assignment, or projects during DTS (I always felt like my paintings had to measure up to something). In all of those scenarios, there was someone I was trying to impress or do my best for.. it wasn't all wrong, but if you don't have balance, it's not a good thing. During outreach I was really faced with these things... so afraid that my paintings wouldn't be "good enough" and could I even be called an artist. For so long, I've wrapped a lot of my identity in being an artist, when the truest thing about me to the core is that I am God's Beloved, His child. He loves the gifts he has given me, but they alone don't make me who I am. He desires for me to use them but not find myself in them. As an artist, it is hard to be balanced and put yourself into a creation, yet have a separation knowing that if it doesn't meet someone's expectations it doesn't mean you personally have failed. Even in writing that, I confuse where the line is and have a hard time explaning the concept. I guess I'm still articulating it, but what I know is true is that I need to spend time creating just to create... for my Abba.. and for nobody else... and if at some point I decide to use some of those things in the future, so be it. But, I do know that some of those things are for Him and Him only.
I was going to write about my current job now, but I think it makes more sense to just leave this post as is... until next time...
cheers, mate!
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Time to start writing again
It's time... there are many thoughts running through my head tonight. There have been for many nights, it's just that I haven't made the time to write because somehow it feels like work, even though I know it will be good when I finally get it all out.
Three weeks ago I made a decision to move out of my parents house and moved in with a friend and one of her friends. We live in Hopkins, in a little house, and it actually has a white picket fence around the backyard. It's this great deal for rent and has a basement where I can set up my desk/computer AND easel etc. to paint.
I felt the pull to get out on my own, and at this point I don't know if it was "God's leading" or just me feeling the need to move out of my parents' house. God bless 'em, they were great for letting me take their space, but it was time.
Moving out meant finding a job... somewhere, anywhere.. (close that is) and one place that is ALWAYS hiring is Target. These things happened fast, and before I knew it I got this job and now I'm working about 40hrs/wk... and I'm asking myself... What am I doing? No, this is not the perfect fit for me, but I need to pay the bills I've now chosen to take on with moving.
It's not ideal, and often I feel I may have made the leap a little too soon. I am accepting the place where I'm at right now, but I can't pretend that it's easy or say that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that these were the right decisions. I do know that the Lord is still with me in this place I am in... He's in the struggle within me.
What I do know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that God is leading me into new and unknown waters, and it is extremely scary. I often feel like I'm on a rollercoaster of feelings... thoughts of excitement about what free-lancing and painting might look like, but then to be contrasted with thoughts wondering if I really can make it work and ever survive without another income.
I still have yet to land on a name for my free-lancing company... the one I have been tossing around is LizBec Design... but when I tell others, they don't give me the impression that it's a great name. It's not ALL about what others think, but it does make a difference and I'm still not even sold on it.
Three weeks ago I made a decision to move out of my parents house and moved in with a friend and one of her friends. We live in Hopkins, in a little house, and it actually has a white picket fence around the backyard. It's this great deal for rent and has a basement where I can set up my desk/computer AND easel etc. to paint.
I felt the pull to get out on my own, and at this point I don't know if it was "God's leading" or just me feeling the need to move out of my parents' house. God bless 'em, they were great for letting me take their space, but it was time.
Moving out meant finding a job... somewhere, anywhere.. (close that is) and one place that is ALWAYS hiring is Target. These things happened fast, and before I knew it I got this job and now I'm working about 40hrs/wk... and I'm asking myself... What am I doing? No, this is not the perfect fit for me, but I need to pay the bills I've now chosen to take on with moving.
It's not ideal, and often I feel I may have made the leap a little too soon. I am accepting the place where I'm at right now, but I can't pretend that it's easy or say that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that these were the right decisions. I do know that the Lord is still with me in this place I am in... He's in the struggle within me.
What I do know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that God is leading me into new and unknown waters, and it is extremely scary. I often feel like I'm on a rollercoaster of feelings... thoughts of excitement about what free-lancing and painting might look like, but then to be contrasted with thoughts wondering if I really can make it work and ever survive without another income.
I still have yet to land on a name for my free-lancing company... the one I have been tossing around is LizBec Design... but when I tell others, they don't give me the impression that it's a great name. It's not ALL about what others think, but it does make a difference and I'm still not even sold on it.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Just Design it!
That's a terrible play on words... or I don't even know if it's a play on words... it's instead of "Just Do it"... you know, Nike.
Anyways... I've kicked myself in the butt and decided that the only best time to start this free-lancing I keep talking about is NOW. The present... if I don't just start, I'll never do anything, it'll always be... "I'll start when I get a full time job, or when the summer ends, or when pigs fly... basically... and I don't want that to happen.
SO...... here we go... I don't know exactly where the best place is to start, except that figuring out a name for myself, my company is probably a good place. That's where I get stuck... Lisa's Designs is boring... I want something that's me, but isn't overboard. Anybody out there like to play with words or come up with ideas?? Heelllp!
What do you need from me to help YOU brainstorm? Let me know...
cheers.
Anyways... I've kicked myself in the butt and decided that the only best time to start this free-lancing I keep talking about is NOW. The present... if I don't just start, I'll never do anything, it'll always be... "I'll start when I get a full time job, or when the summer ends, or when pigs fly... basically... and I don't want that to happen.
SO...... here we go... I don't know exactly where the best place is to start, except that figuring out a name for myself, my company is probably a good place. That's where I get stuck... Lisa's Designs is boring... I want something that's me, but isn't overboard. Anybody out there like to play with words or come up with ideas?? Heelllp!
What do you need from me to help YOU brainstorm? Let me know...
cheers.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
remembering julie... and the struggle of the process
Last week in the midst of my thursday I heard some terrible news. A friend that I had reconnected with, a few months before I left for Australia, died in a tragic death at the Temperance River.
The last 7days have been rough. I've struggled with many thoughts... such as... I didn't know her as long as some, why am I so upset? Of course I'm upset, she was an amazing woman who connected with others and was intentional about where she invested her time. I was honored to be invested in, and invest in her in return.
As I type this, images of her run through my mind. I think we connected on a deep level without even having loads of deep conversations. I just knew she cared about our friendship and where it was going... I think we both knew that it was going to be long lasting. I think that's where the hit comes so hard, I was so looking forward to spending time getting to know her more. We were supposed to counsel together in a couple of weeks at the jr high Angel Tree camp, which happened to be held at the same camp we both counseled at back in the summer of 1999. At that time, as I've been sharing with others lately, Julie and I never really spoke much and the only reason I can come up with is because my best friend was counseling with me that summer. I really wish the circumstances back then were different, but in this last year it was our joke that "we never spoke back then, not a word."
I brought up a question or struggle last night as I was posting on a wall of a friend on facebook... i said,
"i've wrestled sometimes with knowing what/how to pray... except for comfort and peace. sometimes, truthfully(- using in tribute to julie) i tire of praying it over and again, i want there to be something else to say".
And also, truthfully there are more words to say to my God in heaven, my abba father, but the words are just my struggle and i want to have words that feel like they are "helping" in some way or something. I know God knows my heart, and he's not interested in my exact wording... I guess just showing up is even enough sometimes. But then, sometimes I struggle saying "I'm praying for you, or my prayers are with you" to others because in this specific situation I really don't have the words to pray. Can you pray for others without words? Or maybe it's that I really don't give it as much thought, i give up with the words. i don't know... just processing this as i type. any thoughts out there?
Thanks for listening to my ramblings tonight.
I guess this begins my posts at Random Lisa Thoughts... although it sounds like blogging is especially rare these days...
The last 7days have been rough. I've struggled with many thoughts... such as... I didn't know her as long as some, why am I so upset? Of course I'm upset, she was an amazing woman who connected with others and was intentional about where she invested her time. I was honored to be invested in, and invest in her in return.
As I type this, images of her run through my mind. I think we connected on a deep level without even having loads of deep conversations. I just knew she cared about our friendship and where it was going... I think we both knew that it was going to be long lasting. I think that's where the hit comes so hard, I was so looking forward to spending time getting to know her more. We were supposed to counsel together in a couple of weeks at the jr high Angel Tree camp, which happened to be held at the same camp we both counseled at back in the summer of 1999. At that time, as I've been sharing with others lately, Julie and I never really spoke much and the only reason I can come up with is because my best friend was counseling with me that summer. I really wish the circumstances back then were different, but in this last year it was our joke that "we never spoke back then, not a word."
I brought up a question or struggle last night as I was posting on a wall of a friend on facebook... i said,
"i've wrestled sometimes with knowing what/how to pray... except for comfort and peace. sometimes, truthfully(- using in tribute to julie) i tire of praying it over and again, i want there to be something else to say".
And also, truthfully there are more words to say to my God in heaven, my abba father, but the words are just my struggle and i want to have words that feel like they are "helping" in some way or something. I know God knows my heart, and he's not interested in my exact wording... I guess just showing up is even enough sometimes. But then, sometimes I struggle saying "I'm praying for you, or my prayers are with you" to others because in this specific situation I really don't have the words to pray. Can you pray for others without words? Or maybe it's that I really don't give it as much thought, i give up with the words. i don't know... just processing this as i type. any thoughts out there?
Thanks for listening to my ramblings tonight.
I guess this begins my posts at Random Lisa Thoughts... although it sounds like blogging is especially rare these days...
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Look to: www.lookingforaruggedaussieman.blogspot.com from now on
Hello my friends... I will no longer be posting here, so like the title says... go to:
www.lookingforaruggedaussieman.blogspot.com for posts leading up to and as I am in Australia.
peace out-
www.lookingforaruggedaussieman.blogspot.com for posts leading up to and as I am in Australia.
peace out-
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Q. Where does tie dye come from?
A. Africa
This was another one of those "kids say the darndest things"... this time it was Sarah.
I was commenting on her shirt because it was a pretty tie dye pink swirl. So she says, "I know where tie dye comes from!" So I say, "where?" And she replies, "from Africa" I asked, "how did you find that out?" "From a TV show about Africa, they were making tie dye shirts."
So, there you have it.... Where tie dye comes from, by Sarah, age 6.
Soon to come is an entry about one of my childhood hang-out places being knocked down. It even comes with pictures. Until then....
ciao
This was another one of those "kids say the darndest things"... this time it was Sarah.
I was commenting on her shirt because it was a pretty tie dye pink swirl. So she says, "I know where tie dye comes from!" So I say, "where?" And she replies, "from Africa" I asked, "how did you find that out?" "From a TV show about Africa, they were making tie dye shirts."
So, there you have it.... Where tie dye comes from, by Sarah, age 6.
Soon to come is an entry about one of my childhood hang-out places being knocked down. It even comes with pictures. Until then....
ciao
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Kids say the Darndest things
My sister and the fam were here this weekend. On Friday evening, my sister, Pat and I went to the place we're getting our tattoos to plan what we wanted. It was good to get some inspiration and to make sure he can do what each of us wanted.
On Saturday afternoon I had some time to play with Sarah and Josh... here's a little excerpt from one conversation.
While swinging on the bench swing on the swing set with Sarah and Josh I was saying how much I loved them both. I leaned over and pecked each of their heads. I didn't quite get Josh's head, but knew he realized what I was doing. He said something and then stood up on the swing and grabbed at the top of the canopy. I asked him what he was doing and he said, "I was catching your kiss, it floated up to the ceiling."
I love that boy... he's really into blowing kisses, and if you don't catch his kisses, he gets upset! :) cutie.
On Saturday afternoon I had some time to play with Sarah and Josh... here's a little excerpt from one conversation.
While swinging on the bench swing on the swing set with Sarah and Josh I was saying how much I loved them both. I leaned over and pecked each of their heads. I didn't quite get Josh's head, but knew he realized what I was doing. He said something and then stood up on the swing and grabbed at the top of the canopy. I asked him what he was doing and he said, "I was catching your kiss, it floated up to the ceiling."
I love that boy... he's really into blowing kisses, and if you don't catch his kisses, he gets upset! :) cutie.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
another spider story
This afternoon after one of the many rain/sprinkle/spit episodes, I went to open the picture window in the living room. I unlocked the window started opening, and to my left (not by the screened part) was a LARGE spider! I'm posting a picture I tried to take, it's a little blurry, but it's large. (i should point out, it's on the OUTside)
I'd like to call it ugly and very frightening, but it's not ugly black which intrigues me the slightest bit. It's like one of those "it's so awful you don't want to look, but you have to, or still somehow want to" does that make any sense. Or, as my sister told me of the pictures we took of the birth of Julia... (ie. they were sorta graphic) she didn't necessarily love the angle of the shots, but also just had to look because of the miracle. So, spiders I wouldn't say are the best miracle of the world, but to see the intricacies of the arachnid is pretty amazing. so... interesting yet, still mildly paralyzing to me. (i can't believe i just compared my niece's birth to an arachnid!)
I think that it was a wrong choice to watch that awful movie "Arachnaphobia" when I was in middle school. I really think that's where my fear deepened.. seriously. Who wouldn't be freaked out by deadly spiders... they can migrate to different cultures... it's not like it's out of the complete realm of possibility.
This really looked like a mini-turantula (sp?), makes my knees weak. blech...
Here's the infamous creature:
It's really hard to figure the size, but it's body is about the size of my thumbnail, but maybe a little less wide. eeeeewwwwww...
atleast it's on the OUTside... and it better stay there!
I'd like to call it ugly and very frightening, but it's not ugly black which intrigues me the slightest bit. It's like one of those "it's so awful you don't want to look, but you have to, or still somehow want to" does that make any sense. Or, as my sister told me of the pictures we took of the birth of Julia... (ie. they were sorta graphic) she didn't necessarily love the angle of the shots, but also just had to look because of the miracle. So, spiders I wouldn't say are the best miracle of the world, but to see the intricacies of the arachnid is pretty amazing. so... interesting yet, still mildly paralyzing to me. (i can't believe i just compared my niece's birth to an arachnid!)
I think that it was a wrong choice to watch that awful movie "Arachnaphobia" when I was in middle school. I really think that's where my fear deepened.. seriously. Who wouldn't be freaked out by deadly spiders... they can migrate to different cultures... it's not like it's out of the complete realm of possibility.
This really looked like a mini-turantula (sp?), makes my knees weak. blech...
Here's the infamous creature:
It's really hard to figure the size, but it's body is about the size of my thumbnail, but maybe a little less wide. eeeeewwwwww...
atleast it's on the OUTside... and it better stay there!
Saturday, July 14, 2007
It's up!
I decided to just "Go 4 Launch".... click here for a direct link to my new Aussie blog! Woot Woot!
Connected!
For almost two weeks now, my computer has been dis-connected from the internet. I kept thinking to myself, "This computer was a ton of money, I should be able to use it without being connected to the internet." It's amazing how crippled I felt the computer was without having internet!
The last two weeks have been really busy with work, and it didn't help with 4th of July being at such an odd time. I finally got to yesterday and was relieved to see that the folders on my desk were all pretty much up to date. What a great feeling, so with all that done I left a little early!
I wrote a blog for my new blog site in that span of time, knowing that while in Australia, I may not have a lot of time on the internet and will be needing to journal at times I'm not "connected." I'm still working on the new blog look, but hopefully it will be up next week! Hurrah!
This next week I will be house-sitting for two friends... they live not a mile down from each other. I'm glad I can help both of them out! One family has two dogs, the other two cats... and of course plants to water, etc. It shouldn't be too hard, and they live by some biking trails so I might do some of that this week. Yay!
The last two weeks have been really busy with work, and it didn't help with 4th of July being at such an odd time. I finally got to yesterday and was relieved to see that the folders on my desk were all pretty much up to date. What a great feeling, so with all that done I left a little early!
I wrote a blog for my new blog site in that span of time, knowing that while in Australia, I may not have a lot of time on the internet and will be needing to journal at times I'm not "connected." I'm still working on the new blog look, but hopefully it will be up next week! Hurrah!
This next week I will be house-sitting for two friends... they live not a mile down from each other. I'm glad I can help both of them out! One family has two dogs, the other two cats... and of course plants to water, etc. It shouldn't be too hard, and they live by some biking trails so I might do some of that this week. Yay!
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
it's NOT about me
74To grant us that we, being rescued from the hand of our enemies,
Might serve Him without fear,
75In holiness and righteousness before Him all our days.
76"And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High;
For you will go on BEFORE THE LORD TO PREPARE HIS WAYS;
77To give to His people the knowledge of salvation
By the forgiveness of their sins,
78Because of the tender mercy of our God,
With which the Sunrise from on high will visit us,
79 TO SHINE UPON THOSE WHO SIT IN DARKNESS AND THE SHADOW OF DEATH,
To guide our feet into the way of peace."
Luke 1:74-79 Zacharias's Prophecy (the last half)
(capitals added by bible.com... color added by me)
These verses spoke to me tonight in an unpexpected way.
I was looking for a verse to go with the blog I'm setting up and this one popped up in my search of "serve" at "bible.com." I know I have read this passage before, but it really sunk in tonight... the first thing that jumped out was at the end of verse 74 where it says "[That they] Might serve Him without fear" -
For the longest time I've always feared that I won't say the right thing when it comes time for me to really lead someone into a genuine relationship with Christ. That fear comes from many different places, one of those places was the time I was "trained" as a camp counselor. I was still very immature in my faith, and the training didn't seem to express that it wasn't about me saying the right things or verses. I came away with this heaviness around how I was going to "make sure" each child in my cabin knew whether or not she was going to heaven.
What I've learned over the last 6years or so, is that I had a role to play, but it wasn't the main character. The role was to let the Holy Spirit speak through me, and He will do the rest. Though the fear still lingers, I believe that God will use this willing heart however He desires, with or without words.
Thank God, it's not about me!
Monday, June 25, 2007
YWAM.... info...
A new blog... etc is coming very soon... just thought I'd let you know... I'm hoping to get it going by the first week in July (it's so soon already!!).
Any suggestions for fun adventurous names of the blog?!
Any suggestions for fun adventurous names of the blog?!
Sunday, June 24, 2007
in the last two weeks
I packed boxes.
Went to two grad parties.
Packed more boxes.
Read up on the Belize blog.
Procrastinated packing all boxes.
Mom came over to stop the procrastination.
Had my Dad and Brother in Law move my furniture and some boxes on Father's Day.
Packed boxes with my sister, josh, and sarah's help.
Ate Buffalo Wild Wings for Father's Day Dinner.
Expedited my passport renewal.
Made trips to my house for more stuff to move.
Brought my mom and dad to Erin's Cookie Nook before bringing them to the airport.
Procrastinated UNpacking boxes.
Went to a grad party.
UNpacked some boxes.
Went to another grad party.
Went to dinner to celebrate a wonderful friend.
And here I am at almost midnight...
The Belize team is back, and I heard some stories... they were beautiful stories and I also just looked at some pictures which are equally as beautiful!
Thank you Lord for doing a mighty work in the relationships that were formed and renewed. For showing your Glory in the lives of the students and Belizeans.
Went to two grad parties.
Packed more boxes.
Read up on the Belize blog.
Procrastinated packing all boxes.
Mom came over to stop the procrastination.
Had my Dad and Brother in Law move my furniture and some boxes on Father's Day.
Packed boxes with my sister, josh, and sarah's help.
Ate Buffalo Wild Wings for Father's Day Dinner.
Expedited my passport renewal.
Made trips to my house for more stuff to move.
Brought my mom and dad to Erin's Cookie Nook before bringing them to the airport.
Procrastinated UNpacking boxes.
Went to a grad party.
UNpacked some boxes.
Went to another grad party.
Went to dinner to celebrate a wonderful friend.
And here I am at almost midnight...
The Belize team is back, and I heard some stories... they were beautiful stories and I also just looked at some pictures which are equally as beautiful!
Thank you Lord for doing a mighty work in the relationships that were formed and renewed. For showing your Glory in the lives of the students and Belizeans.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
it hurts
my heart
that I have to stay back, and the others get to go to the place I left some of my heart
when you're put in a place that you know you need to be, but desperately want to be in another at the same time
...
the youth belize team is leaving tomorrow morning. i don't know what else to say about it, except that it just hit me today how much i wish i could go. i've said and thought it many times, i just didn't know how it would land when it came down to the day.
i hurt..
i want to be with them
i want to grieve the loss of cindy again without distraction of a youth pastor having been fired the next day
i want to talk to vicky(her mom), but feel like it has been SO long since I've talked to her that now i can't
i want to love on them the best i know how
....
Lord,
give the students eyes to see and ears to hear what you want them to... how they can love on the Ariolas... yet, not overwhelm them.
may vicky and neal feel the love and support and be able to take it in.
amen
that I have to stay back, and the others get to go to the place I left some of my heart
when you're put in a place that you know you need to be, but desperately want to be in another at the same time
...
the youth belize team is leaving tomorrow morning. i don't know what else to say about it, except that it just hit me today how much i wish i could go. i've said and thought it many times, i just didn't know how it would land when it came down to the day.
i hurt..
i want to be with them
i want to grieve the loss of cindy again without distraction of a youth pastor having been fired the next day
i want to talk to vicky(her mom), but feel like it has been SO long since I've talked to her that now i can't
i want to love on them the best i know how
....
Lord,
give the students eyes to see and ears to hear what you want them to... how they can love on the Ariolas... yet, not overwhelm them.
may vicky and neal feel the love and support and be able to take it in.
amen
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Painting Project
I forgot to tell about later that night! My sister and I were doing this painting project with the kids the week prior and needed to finish. In short, we painted 3 canvases each a diff color to match their bedspread. On each canvas we wanted the kids to put hand and feet prints on with white paint. Seems simple enough, but the hardest part was convincing them that it would look cool, and that it wasn't for their rooms anyways! :)
We first did Sarah's and made a flower from her hand prints and the stem with her feet. (that was the week earlier)... next we attempted to do little flowers with Julia's hands and stems with her feet. The feet worked pretty good, the hands were a WHOLE 'nother story. I wasn't optimistic about the hands, but my sister was determined and in the effort I accidentally clocked her in the eye with the canvas. The whole time Julia was a "bit" upset with the whole fiasco, so my
sister finally gave up and we decided to just make "vines" out of her feet marks. Joshua was surprisingly hard to convince at first as well, but finally we made a deal with him and he cooperated. With his we made a "palm" tree... haha get it? Palm tree?!? Haha... okay, bad joke... but it turned out pretty cute!
Such fun times!
We first did Sarah's and made a flower from her hand prints and the stem with her feet. (that was the week earlier)... next we attempted to do little flowers with Julia's hands and stems with her feet. The feet worked pretty good, the hands were a WHOLE 'nother story. I wasn't optimistic about the hands, but my sister was determined and in the effort I accidentally clocked her in the eye with the canvas. The whole time Julia was a "bit" upset with the whole fiasco, so my
sister finally gave up and we decided to just make "vines" out of her feet marks. Joshua was surprisingly hard to convince at first as well, but finally we made a deal with him and he cooperated. With his we made a "palm" tree... haha get it? Palm tree?!? Haha... okay, bad joke... but it turned out pretty cute!Such fun times!
Much fun in the land of Tinkerbell birthday parties!
About a week ago was Sarah's 6th birthday. It was a crazy zoo that my sister and I BOTH learned lessons from. Everything went fine as far as the kids knew, but we weren't prepared as we thought ("we" should be held loosely, my sis didn't expect me to do a whole lot of prep), so while the kids were first showing up we were gluing(sp?) butterflies on sticks to make "fairy wands" and twisting star wire garlands to make fairy "crowns" or "garlands."
While doing so, the girls were running up and down the stairs from the playroom to Sarah's room to the living room. All the while, in the living room "Peter Pan" was playing and in Sarah's room a boombox was playing songs like Pink's "Get the Party Started" sung by some kids band, and that was the favorite song so it was played over and over. Needless to say, it was time to really "Get the Party Started," so my sister decided to pull out Pin the Tail on the "Unicorn" while I finished the fairy garlands. My dad even got in on the fairy garland making action which proved to be a great help in finishing.
After "Pin the Tail on the Unicorn," we had them make their little
"wands." I have to stop and say that my sister is very creative... no that's too conservative.. EXTREMELY creative when it comes to crafts for little kids (not to mention, makes the best birthday cakes! decorated and all). I get so stressed out with little kids hovering around me needing help, I could have never decided what would be the easiest thing to make. I don't think these were easy, but Karen sure made it seem pretty easy. After the wand making craft, I handed out their "fairy garlands" and they took a break from structure and had the run of the place while we cleaned up a bit and got ready for the "Tinkerbell Pinãta."
(This is where the fun started (for me atleast).)
For the first hour or so the boys were still hanging around the house helping with whatever they could. But, the plan was for my dad to take Pat and Josh out on the boat while the girls were taking over the house.
The original plan my sister had was to have the Pinãta hang from the basketball hoop, but the boys had already left and they don't have a ladder. I decided that we could hang it from a tree, and I'd just climb up and tie the Pinãta on one of the branches. It was a great excuse to climb a tree, so I was all over it! Litterally. It wasn't too high, but I did use a chair to find leverage. I had forgotten that the tree would be moist, since it had been raining earlier in the day, so as I fenagled my way up (very ungracefully) my pants got a bit dirty and wet. The girls were in a stitch over me climbing and getting dirty. They kept saying "Your feet are all dirty!"
What makes it even more funny (and I think I forgot to tell my sister), was that I thought it was the kind where they were going to hit until they could get candy out. You know, the traditional long-standing way to do a Pinãta. (i bet i don't need to capitalize that! :)) Apparently, they make some now that have strings at the bottom, everyone grabs a string and pulls at the count of 3! It's probably best for that age, but I was expecting to "make it hard" and move the pinãta around so everyone had a chance to try. Thus, the more importance of being in the tree to have that kind of access. The sad part was that we never got a picture of me in the tree, just all the little girlies pulling the strings and then scavanging for the candy and prizes! OF course, it wasn't about me, but it would've been a funny site to see! (you can see my legs dangling down, though)
One of the biggest reasons I planned on being at the party was to do face painting, but I quickly realized that it might not really be needed. The time of the party was 2pm-4pm, and by the time the pinãta was finished, I think it was close to 3:15/30 and we hadn't done presents or cake. Those things went to just about 4, so I painted faces at the end as the moms were showing up. The mom's were all pretty flexible and waited for their kids to get painted, but working under pressure doesn't produce the best results in some cases. Atleast they are only 6 and probably don't have much to compare it to. Sarah kept her purple kitty on her face until monday I think!
It was so fun to see her interact with all her little friends, it's so apparent that she is definitely the social butterfly and is not very shy!
Thanks to those who stuck the whole story out, there was just so much to say! And, that was only SAturday. Sunday was lunch with the family to celebrate... and that was lots of fun, too! But, I'll leave all the details out. :)
While doing so, the girls were running up and down the stairs from the playroom to Sarah's room to the living room. All the while, in the living room "Peter Pan" was playing and in Sarah's room a boombox was playing songs like Pink's "Get the Party Started" sung by some kids band, and that was the favorite song so it was played over and over. Needless to say, it was time to really "Get the Party Started," so my sister decided to pull out Pin the Tail on the "Unicorn" while I finished the fairy garlands. My dad even got in on the fairy garland making action which proved to be a great help in finishing.
After "Pin the Tail on the Unicorn," we had them make their little
"wands." I have to stop and say that my sister is very creative... no that's too conservative.. EXTREMELY creative when it comes to crafts for little kids (not to mention, makes the best birthday cakes! decorated and all). I get so stressed out with little kids hovering around me needing help, I could have never decided what would be the easiest thing to make. I don't think these were easy, but Karen sure made it seem pretty easy. After the wand making craft, I handed out their "fairy garlands" and they took a break from structure and had the run of the place while we cleaned up a bit and got ready for the "Tinkerbell Pinãta."(This is where the fun started (for me atleast).)
For the first hour or so the boys were still hanging around the house helping with whatever they could. But, the plan was for my dad to take Pat and Josh out on the boat while the girls were taking over the house.
The original plan my sister had was to have the Pinãta hang from the basketball hoop, but the boys had already left and they don't have a ladder. I decided that we could hang it from a tree, and I'd just climb up and tie the Pinãta on one of the branches. It was a great excuse to climb a tree, so I was all over it! Litterally. It wasn't too high, but I did use a chair to find leverage. I had forgotten that the tree would be moist, since it had been raining earlier in the day, so as I fenagled my way up (very ungracefully) my pants got a bit dirty and wet. The girls were in a stitch over me climbing and getting dirty. They kept saying "Your feet are all dirty!"
What makes it even more funny (and I think I forgot to tell my sister), was that I thought it was the kind where they were going to hit until they could get candy out. You know, the traditional long-standing way to do a Pinãta. (i bet i don't need to capitalize that! :)) Apparently, they make some now that have strings at the bottom, everyone grabs a string and pulls at the count of 3! It's probably best for that age, but I was expecting to "make it hard" and move the pinãta around so everyone had a chance to try. Thus, the more importance of being in the tree to have that kind of access. The sad part was that we never got a picture of me in the tree, just all the little girlies pulling the strings and then scavanging for the candy and prizes! OF course, it wasn't about me, but it would've been a funny site to see! (you can see my legs dangling down, though)
One of the biggest reasons I planned on being at the party was to do face painting, but I quickly realized that it might not really be needed. The time of the party was 2pm-4pm, and by the time the pinãta was finished, I think it was close to 3:15/30 and we hadn't done presents or cake. Those things went to just about 4, so I painted faces at the end as the moms were showing up. The mom's were all pretty flexible and waited for their kids to get painted, but working under pressure doesn't produce the best results in some cases. Atleast they are only 6 and probably don't have much to compare it to. Sarah kept her purple kitty on her face until monday I think!
It was so fun to see her interact with all her little friends, it's so apparent that she is definitely the social butterfly and is not very shy!
Thanks to those who stuck the whole story out, there was just so much to say! And, that was only SAturday. Sunday was lunch with the family to celebrate... and that was lots of fun, too! But, I'll leave all the details out. :)
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