In one week I'll be in Belize, and I'm ready to be there RIGHT NOW. There are so many little things to remember and I have written things down, but I just want the day to be here so I don't have to think about them anymore. We will have a team blog while in Belize, it is www.teambelize.blogspot.com
Really original, eh? Yeah, I know... I would've made it a little more specific, but whatever I wasn't in charge. Not like it's a big deal... just blabbering... okay... now to the more serious or contemplative matter of the title.
I've been really introspective in the last month or so... off and on just really crying out to God from within about many different things. One thing I've been thinking about lately is about that "hole" that christians, including myself, talk about, that only God can fill. My latest wondering or thoughts about this are these:
1. I am human and sin, I will never be perfect in this fleshy skin.
2. If I am human, and can't be perfect... will I ever really feel like that "hole" that God is supposed to fill is always completely filled?
I mean, there are times when I feel that it is completely filled and I couldn't tell you for how long, but then there are many times when I feel really empty. I think that if I only had someone tangible to fill that spot, then, then I'd feel whole and complete with God. I know that's not true, even if I was married and had kids, it doesn't mean I'd have filled that hole. So... what do YOU think? let me know your thoughts..
on another note that is connected, I listened to Jennifer Knapp on the way up to Paynesville last friday... the good 'ol Kansas album. Refine Me really spoke to the place that I'm at right now... here it is...
(oh, and fyi: I don't feel completely empty right now, I re-read this and it sounds more depressing than the state that I'm really in)
I come into this place
Burning to receive your peace
I come with my own chains
From wars I've fought for my own selfish gain
You're my God and my Father
I've accepted your Son
But my soul feels so empty now
What have I become?
Lord, come with your fire,
Burn my desires; refine me
Lord, my will has deceived me
Please come and free me
Refine me
My heart can't see
When I only look at me
My soul can't hear
When I only think of my own fears
They are gone in a moment
You're forever the same
Why did I look away from You
How can I speak Your name?
Lord, come with Your fire,
burn my desires; refine me
Lord, my will has deceived me
Please come and free me
Come rescue this child
For I long to be reconciled to You
It's all I can do
To give my heart and soul to You
And pray, and pray, oh I will pray
Lord, come with Your fire, burn my desires; refine me
Lord, my will has deceived me
Please come and free me
Come rescue this child
For I long to be reconciled to You
Refine me, refine me
Refine me, refine me
