To describe my enjoyment of the weekend and the reasons behind it are very random and interesting, but what I want to emphasize tonight is actually what was not said at all.
The silence...
On a roadtrip, even with friends, you aren't always expected to be having conversation. It had been a very long time since I actually had time to just think and imagine... without feeling like I had to think of "important every day" things. I was silently encouraged and inspired to continue to yearn for more and not let myself believe that where I am in life is stuck, or a dead end, or "not good enough." Being in the presence of those who knew where I was last year, was a good reminder to be where I am, yet look past it with excitement and passion to where God may lead me next.. what really kind of blows my mind is that God was whispering things in the silences that at the time I didn't hear... but as I sit here and reflect, I hear the words before me.
I don't have a grandiose plan that God has revealed to me yet about what is next, but I believe there is more and I am choosing to trust Him like never before.
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This morning I woke up earlier than normal before work, showered and made some breakfast and sat down to eat and read/journal. I put my iPod on Ten Shekel Shirt's album that has the popular worship tune "Meet with Me"... I also was reading a verse:
Acts 2:25
"I saw the Lord always before me.
because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will live in hope,
because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
You have made known to me the paths of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence."
(This is actually a quote from David in the Psalms.)
Shortly thereafter reading, tears came pouring down... I have been thinking a lot about my friend Julie S., who died a couple of months after I returned home from Australia. I think a lot more about death these days as well. I think the tears were another mourning and cleansing sort, mourning loss... loss of my friend and also of the time I spent in Australia. I don't think I realized how much I missed some of those times until I re-visited those memories with friends this weekend. I think that emotion came out today... I feel sometimes that maybe my heart is always going to be torn from places I want to be and people I want to see.
(I think that's a song)
I don't really know how to pull this all together... but felt like sharing it all... thanks for keeping on 'til the end!
cheers.
