My time at Temperance

For the last year I've been wanting to make a journey up to the Temperance River to remember my dear friend Julie who gave her life for a friend in that place. Yesterday was the day I finally was able to fulfill my desire, along with a great companion to be whatever I needed. We departed from the cities at an early hour, after not having a full night's sleep, but it was awesome to be up in the Duluth area before 9am.

On the journey up we made the obligatory stop at Tobies for the famously delicious Caramel Rolls (we had Pecan) and some coffee and juice. We wanted to spend some time at Gooseberry and Canal Park, but saved those for the journey back. It's always a good time to take the scenic drive on the way up to Two Harbors, just past there we stopped at a scenic overlook for a few photo ops and rock skipping. As we drew nearer to Temperance I could feel in my spirit a bit of anxiousness. I really didn't know how being there was going to hit me, but I was glad to have a shoulder to cry on if I needed it or just someone to stand beside me in the quiet.

We parked the car, Ryan got out and got our cameras and stuff together while I put on my chacos. I was very quiet the whole time, and just had nothing to say. Even though I really didn't know any details of where things happened, it was all rolling around in my head. We walked down the path on the west side of the road up river. I wanted to know where they were, how it really could have happened. It just didn't seem possible, but I suppose the water is different each year and is unpredictable as well. Last year some friends put a cross and photo of Julie near the river somewhere, but I didn't see anything. I suppose with the year's passing seasons it was taken down or destroyed somehow.

In the time we took to hike around I just really wanted to have fun and enjoy myself, upon first looking out at the places I suspected they could have been I had my tears, but Julie was an adventurer so I celebrated that as well! I didn't have any deeply profound thoughts, but it was just a good time to remember a friend. Remember how we were going to hike and camp and have an adventure!

Today as I sit and write, I realized I could have brought something to throw in the water or something... but I didn't. And it's okay... you don't always NEED symbolism. Sometimes you just need that time and to just 'be' who you are in the moment. I think Julie was good at that, not trying to be anything else when she was in the moment with you.

The rest of the day was a good time too, we walked down to the lake at Temperance and climbed on the rocks that were at the edge of the lake. Found a quiet place and rested for awhile and got some sun in the process.

Gooseberry was the next destination, which is always a great one, but it always seems to be more populated with people. Spent some time there and then journeyed back down to Duluth with a stop at a scenic overlook close to Betty's Pies. We were going to stop in for a pastie, but also wanted to get going and it would take 10mins.. in our impatience we decided to save our appetites for something in Canal Park.

After a little jaunt in the wrong direction, we made it to Canal Park and ate at Grandmas Saloon.. another pretty popular destination. I have to say though, we had an AMAZING Steak Cheese French sandwich with thick sliced beef tenderloin, mushrooms, cheddar, mozzarella, and Philadelphia cream cheese. mmmmmmm...

I need to get going, so no profound ending either. A really great time all in all!

One Step Closer

This last year (April 08 - April 09) has been quite the journey. A year ago I was packing my bags and preparing for my trip home from Australia. Saying good-bye's and making promises about traveling to see friends all over the world. Although the promises were heartfelt and honest, we knew inside that the possiblity of not seeing each other was much greater. It was a mournful, yet exciting time, as I had not seen lifelong friends from home in 7mos. Such strong conflicting emotions.

A year later and new territory is abounding before me in many aspects of my life. Being faced with a job lay-off, trip to Haiti with new people and places within the country, many new relationships, and new opportunities for beginning a business on my own. That has been the story of the new phase of life, and all through the new 'stuff' God is the same yesterday, today, and always... and He is EXCITED to be in these adventures of life with me. That really blows me away... sure I have felt the joy of God and I know He laughs and is so in love with me, but to stop and think He is as excited for what's to come, as I am!

I must say that this last year has not been easy, it has been filled with tears and fears, yet the constant thing that He continued to tell me was that He is my refuge. Hold tight and do not let go, I am bringing you through this and will point you in the direction you are to go. Keep going, Keep trusting and most of all, Keep dreaming... Delight yourself in me, and I will give you the desires of your heart. (psalm 37:4)

So, here I am, in a little over a month I'll be out of a job. I will again, be at the crossroads of "what will I do with my life"... so to speak... I am taking this opportunity to pursue my passions and start designing cards and designing for friends and businesses I find in the periodicals who desperately need an updated logo, etc. etc. Most of all, I am trusting in the Lord for His provision, knowing that He really has my back and won't let me go hungry.

Silent Travelling

This past weekend I went on a roadtrip to see a friend from DTS get married in Cincinatti, Ohio. The other two MN dtsers and I headed out on Friday morning just after the snow had fallen the night before. The first stop on our journey was in Chicago to pick up one more fellow Ywamer and then on to our destination.

To describe my enjoyment of the weekend and the reasons behind it are very random and interesting, but what I want to emphasize tonight is actually what was not said at all.
The silence...
On a roadtrip, even with friends, you aren't always expected to be having conversation. It had been a very long time since I actually had time to just think and imagine... without feeling like I had to think of "important every day" things. I was silently encouraged and inspired to continue to yearn for more and not let myself believe that where I am in life is stuck, or a dead end, or "not good enough." Being in the presence of those who knew where I was last year, was a good reminder to be where I am, yet look past it with excitement and passion to where God may lead me next.. what really kind of blows my mind is that God was whispering things in the silences that at the time I didn't hear... but as I sit here and reflect, I hear the words before me.
I don't have a grandiose plan that God has revealed to me yet about what is next, but I believe there is more and I am choosing to trust Him like never before.
---
This morning I woke up earlier than normal before work, showered and made some breakfast and sat down to eat and read/journal. I put my iPod on Ten Shekel Shirt's album that has the popular worship tune "Meet with Me"... I also was reading a verse:

Acts 2:25
"I saw the Lord always before me.
because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will live in hope,
because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
You have made known to me the paths of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence."
(This is actually a quote from David in the Psalms.)

Shortly thereafter reading, tears came pouring down... I have been thinking a lot about my friend Julie S., who died a couple of months after I returned home from Australia. I think a lot more about death these days as well. I think the tears were another mourning and cleansing sort, mourning loss... loss of my friend and also of the time I spent in Australia. I don't think I realized how much I missed some of those times until I re-visited those memories with friends this weekend. I think that emotion came out today... I feel sometimes that maybe my heart is always going to be torn from places I want to be and people I want to see.
(I think that's a song)

I don't really know how to pull this all together... but felt like sharing it all... thanks for keeping on 'til the end!

cheers.

Burn Notice

no. not the show on usa.

tonight i decided i needed to wash my norwex antibac cloth but didn't want to do a load of laundry. I decided to boil it... I put it in a pot with water, turned on the stove and headed downstairs to check some emails "quick"..

pause for a short commercial break. if you don't know what norwex is, click here or just be satisfied with knowing they are amazing cloths that you don't have to use chemicals/cleaners/cleansers to clean with.

back to the story..
30/45mins later I heard beeping.. did i put on the timer? hmm... (reality sets in) OH CRAP... I ran upstairs to a smoke filled kitchen/living room (not dark black smoke, though) and the pot on the oven with no water left and smoldering leftover of the cloth. i quickly removed the pot from the burner and ran around frantically opening doors and windows to let the smoke out (and to breathe fresh air). meanwhile the burner was still on and i'm coughing from smoke inhalation. i turned the burner off and stuck my head outside for the second time for some more fresh air during this time i was also waving a towel all around to direct the smoke out and also realized maybe i should set the thermostat down so the heat doesn't try to compensate. then, i had this brilliant idea of bringing the fan upstairs to point out the door to get more smoke out. once i got the fan upstairs and pointed out the door, it didn't seem to be as effective (erin, is this usage of the word correct?) as i first thought, but owell. about 10 minutes later i decided the smoke dissipated enough to close the doors, and i didn't want it to take all night to re-heat the house. this could have been much worse, so if this is at all amusing to you, i don't take offense. i just can't believe myself sometimes.

(i think i switched between writing in present tense to past or vice versa, so if something sounds funny, that's why. i don't feel like combing over it)

i cannot be trusted with leaving anything on the stove... what the heck was i thinking?!! I wonder how bad it is to inhale smoke from a cloth that had a silver lining? my lungs kinda hurt a little, but it's going away gradually.

so, if you ever thought "who would do that anyways" when reading those warnings about leaving something on the stove unattended or candles for that matter... it's me.

Thank the Lord that there were no flames or extensive damage, either!! (atleast I didn't see any flames!)

until next time...

cheers