Last week was the Novembering service at Open Door.. they set aside specific time to remember those who we've lost in the past year. I didn't know that a part of the sermon would be recounting some of the memories from Julie's death. I felt it again as I heard it the first time, albeit less sobbing and more just free flowing tears, and I realized how close it still felt and still how tragic it happened.

I still really miss her, and still wonder how it can hurt so much when it felt like we'd only known each other for such a short time. In all honesty, there were times since I had gotten back until her death that I wondered if we always really "clicked" or if she really enjoyed my company. I guess that stuff was just my insecurity, maybe because she talked so much of the time and I wondered if she thought it odd that I didn't always have something to say. This much I know now, she was like that with everyone, and that's why we loved her so much. The things she said always had to do with people, because she cared about everyone so much and could tell stories of our lives to her other friends. Of course, it wasn't gossip... most of the time.... :) ;) She just... well.. yeah, she was a story teller.. a really good story teller, and I loved to listen to her.

There was this one time though... I was at home talking to my mom about something "semi" important or atleast it was just a good conversation.. and julie called... the first thing I thought was... hmm, this might be a long convo. but, maybe not. Well, sure enough... we finished making some plans and then somehow she told me all about this other thing that happened on some other day that sort of fit and yet also was definitely a bunny trail. At the end of the conversation we laughed about how the majority of the conversation had nothing to do with the initial call. I went back to the kitchen to find my mom and if I recall correctly, it took us a few minutes to remember what we had been talking about. The thing is, I love stories, especially ones with good/interesting or funny endings... and hers most always had them.

Thanks for listening blog-land... it's good to tell stories and thoughts... I guess it just helps in the process of this. So, this is what remains, it's still hard... 4months or whatever later... and there's no guidebook on grief (okay, maybe there is, but i don't know where it is)... so i just let myself feel what it is at that moment, and not drag it on if it's not there.

yep... so ... love you and miss you still julie... oh wandering sales!