overwhelming

This week has been a very busy week in Vision Van Gogh land.... many projects to do, and not enough hours in the day to do them. Not to mention I sort of took on a little side project for a friend. It should turn out to pay-off, but it's hard to work at home, after a long day of work already.

I hate how when you get really busy at work, every other thing in your life seems that much bigger and harder too. I was in tears Tues. after talking to the H.Insurance co. and then Allina... I really don't like them by the way.. long story short... had to get shots and pills for belize, my current doc.'s office (north clinic) didn't have a travel doc., had to go to Allina and got charged for one of the visits because you only get one "preventive phys." a calendar year. UGH! Anyways... I was trying to reason with them and understand where things went wrong... I feel bad cuz I hung up on the lady at Allina, I guess it wasn't exactly her fault, but they just treat you like you should know all these things. It really really really sux...

Today I was on the verge of tears for no other reason than that I was thinking too much about a certain situation, I just couldn't let it go and work on my stuff. But, I finally took a deep breath and prayed for God to take it away. It took a couple minutes, but I just let it go... and what do you know, it worked. I forget so often to take deep breaths and look UP†!

Sometimes I feel like if I don't think abotu it, I'll forget completely about it, and then the problem or situation will get worse. You know, another phrase that so many christians use is that one that says, "let go, and let God"
so I know it's true... but sometimes it sounds too easy... maybe that's the point? I don't know...

So, to my overwhelmed-ness... I say... I'm getting through this.... but not on my own!
Thanks God... for opening my eyes to see you sitting right there beside me all along.

What the ???

I so friggen annoyed at blogger right now! I must be an idiot because I've been trying to put a picture on my profile now for almost an hour!! After I finally get the whole url thing down and linked up to my mac homepage (spare me the mac's suck, not in the mood)... and the retarted blogger site tells me "Maximum file size is 50 kilobytes" what the hell? That's like frikken tiny... what files are ever that small??? I guess I've not been educated enough in web developement or design. I went to school for graphics in print... not this web foolishness. Seriously, I am going to bed, but I'm sooo angry!
Can anyone help this poor soul without making jabs at my Mac?! I know that's not the problem, just operator error I'm quite quite sure!

good night.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Getting to Know You...

DANG... I totally filled that all out and somehow logged myself out in another window... when I posted, it made me log in again and it was lost forever :( sad... I guess I have to do it quick again... that took some thought... here goes...

Things I want to do before I die
1. travel to many places... see Git busy livin, or git busy dyin
2. fall in love and wed
3. bear children
4. learn to crochet
5. go back to Haiti (Erin, you know I'm there...just tell me when!!)

Things I can do
1. listen
2. encourage
3. roll my tounge
4. tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tounge
5. play like a child

Things I cannot do
1. drive a manual transmission
2. pee standing up (without a mess)
3. run a mile in 5minutes
4. complex math
5. a headstand
(these were way better the first time :( )

Things that attract me to my husband(for single folk, what attracts to opposite sex)
1. smile
2. ambition
3. passion for truth
4. adventurous
5. attentive/listening and engaging skills

Celebrity crushes
1. Antonio Banderas
2. George Clooney
3. Doogie Howser (what was his real name? no time to search)
4. Micheal Vartan (teacher in Never Been Kissed)
5. Matthew McConoughay (sp?)

People I want to do this next
1. Dan
2. David
3. Glatzel
4.
5.

A wiff of Katrina.

As I drove to work this morning and viewed the outcome of our disastrous storm, my emotions rose up in me. I wasn't seeing a lot of houses severely damaged, but there were many huge trees uprooted and split in two. I think the emotions come because it is such an amazing(though not good) display of power, and it makes me wonder why and how others don't believe in God.

Another thought that came to mind was Hurricane Rita that is about to hit Texas and of course, Katrina. Our devastation here, is much much less, I dare to say a "fifth" of the destruction that Katrina caused. I'm not saying that we shouldn't be shocked or upset or anything about what happened here in the Twin Cities, but it just gives us a small wiff of what happened and will be happening down south.

Lord, have mercy on the south!

declaration...

I have made a vow to myself that I must not get engaged until after November of 2006. A funny vow/declaration, I know. Especially since there's really no official boys in the picture anyways. Probably even stranger that I feel the need to post this on my blog, but as the title of my blog is... it's random! (and i don't care if it were to be classified as blog vomit or whatever some ppl say...!!)
I've just realized that after this october I'll finally be done with having immediate friends getting married(knock on wood). There aren't many of my friends who are only in dating relationships, and yeah, it could happen in any way... BUT... I'd really like to go a whole year without thinking about ANY marraige/wedding etc plans. As much as it really is a beautiful and wonderful thing, it's hard being a single woman when weddings are the only things that seem to be happening lately. I want to go a month without thinking, "hmm.. I wonder what that will be like for me"
People say that you shouldn't be planning your wedding before you have the ring, but when you're in 3 weddings in one year, it's pretty much inevitable. You picture yourself and of course some face-less man in every certain situation. Maybe if I would've been proactive in the beginning, I could have tried to make my mind think of something opposite, like my funeral or something. haha.. okay, no, not a laughing matter... i could pick something a bit less morbid, but at this point I have no ideas. I don't know if that would have helped, but if I had known I'd be feeling and thinking these things... I think I'd of tried something different.

So, all that to say, I was at a girls only engagement party(friends got together and gave her ideas, advice etc.) for a friend's sister, of whom I know fairly well. That is where all of these thoughts came from as I was driving home, because I don't want to be the mean girl who hates weddings, but I decided I just REALLY need a break. And... for this sweet girl, I need to gracefully tell her I love her, but not that much. haha... JK... but really, she has like 5 other girls who are all excited to give their ideas. I'm really not needed. AMEN!

so... hold me accountable.. would ya? :) haha
(but really, you've probably got a pretty easy job... )
(p.s. and please please just in case... don't tell me how it will be me next... or i have nothing to worry about.... that's really really not what this was about at all!!! it was just about needing a break from the wedding fare)

Thanks for the blessings God!

I've never actually liked that word, "blessings." It sounds so cliché, and so over-used in christian settings, but for lack of a better term it is what I have been receiving lately.

It seems that I'm always so surprised when God seems to really care about the little things, and then remind me that they really aren't little. For instance, these last few months I've really wanted to try and cut back financially because honestly I simply can't afford going out to eat more than once a week, or even 4 times a month. It really has been a struggle to figure out where my money is going, and for that reason I have signed up for the Good Sense Money Management Class.

The class starts this weekend, and I know that it is not going to be easy, it will be a lot of work. But even in signing up, saying "yes" to be financially stable, I've noticed little ways that God has blessed me through trusting him. It has been hard knowing what to give money to, but then when I give to the things I know are important, he seems to provide in the areas that I don't necessarily "need" to spend money. (ie. out to eat)

So, this is a "shout-out" to God... Thank you Lord, for providing the "little things"... and also the big things.
(but those are what we notice more, and don't have as much trouble thanking Him for)

I've been reading a lot lately from different blogs about missions. One of them is out of country doing missions and the other is asking the question why it looks so different to see missionaries as people who are serving right here, in our community. Why does it "seem" so different, when we're all using the same basic principles.

Well, I decided to go to dictionary.com to find the definition of "missions" this is what I found:

1. 1. A body of persons sent to conduct negotiations or establish relations with a foreign country.
   2. The business with which such a body of persons is charged.
   3. A permanent diplomatic office abroad.
   4. A body of experts or dignitaries sent to a foreign country.
2. 1. A body of persons sent to a foreign land by a religious organization, especially a Christian organization, to spread its faith or provide educational, medical, and other assistance.
   2. A mission established abroad.
   3. The district assigned to a mission worker.
   4. A building or compound housing a mission.
   5. An organization for carrying on missionary work in a territory.
   6. missions Missionary duty or work.
3. A Christian church or congregation with no cleric of its own that depends for support on a larger religious organization.
4. A series of special Christian services for purposes of proselytizing.
5. A welfare or educational organization established for the needy people of a district.
6. 1. A special assignment given to a person or group: an agent on a secret mission.
   2. A combat operation assigned to a person or military unit.
   3. An aerospace operation intended to carry out specific program objectives: a mission to Mars.
7. An inner calling to pursue an activity or perform a service; a vocation.

So, by these definitions, the one we as Christians reflect on most or assume most is definition #2. Which says specifically going to a foreign land. We forget about definition 2c-e... WHY? I just don't understand.
I know for me, it was always taught that way all during my growing up years in the church since I was a kid. Probably some time in highschool was when I heard that "foreign land" could refer to a foreign place right here in the city, not just some place across the ocean.

The thing that excites me, is that I don't have to think about it that way anymore. It will be more difficult, but I'm up for the challenge. I'm also excited because our new "youth guy" is making an effort to get our youth out there in our city... be it Maple Grove or North/South Minneapolis, he has this mission mindedness that is right here. He wants us to have nights this year that we're being the Hands and Feet of Jesus. I think it is something we've lacked for so long, and like I've said two times already, I'm excited!

So, in an attempt to pull this thing together(because I lost my direction in that last paragaph) I've really been thinking about this missional life thing lately and I'm curious to see what God does in me and the lives of those who work with me.

more gooseberry pix

These are in no certain order, by the way.
Angela and I on the Gitchee Gummee Trail


















Lake Superior and Agate Beach














I found a great climbing tree on the way to Agate beach!

gooseberry pix

Brooke, Me, and Angela at the Middle Falls

A pretty view of the lake and Agate Beach on our way trekking the Gitchee Gumme Trail.

A furry friend we found along the way.

Upper Gooseberry Falls

Woah, David did you know you really were there, and shoot, we should have told you that it was a pretty nice and relaxed day, no need for the button up shirt! :) tee hee

Gooseberry fun!

Road trips are always such a blast, and yesturday was no exception! (well, except that our good friend David had to bail because of homework :( ) I was a little nervous because the weather in the morning was not looking good, and I hadn't gotten much sleep. But, that definitely didn't stop me, or the rest of us for that matter.

It was Angela, Brooke and myself, who set out on this adventure of picnicing, hiking, gazing, talking, hiking, laughing, and hiking! :) The North Shore is so beautiful, I always want to call Lake Superior an ocean, but the brisk breezes are a good reminder of lake-worthiness. I guess that doesn't always mean it's not an ocean, it's just that most of the ocean beaches I've been to are sandy, warm and lush with palm trees.

When we first arrived we found a spot on the rocks by the "Middle Falls" and ate our lunches. The sun was out and I found myself wishing I had been as optimistic as my fellow hikers who both wore shorts/capris. It was alright though, I started a new fashion trend and took the bottom of my jeans all the way up to my calf. Once we were done eating, we asked a couple who had asked one of us to take a picture, to take one of us. We then started our trek up the middle falls and around to the Upper Falls which along the way we jumped from rock to rock to cross the river. We all managed to get to the other side without getting wet which was good, since none of us had our suits on at the time (though they were packed)!

We hiked up and over the Upper falls and started on the Snow Shoe Trail which we then realized was also "Gitchee Gummee Trail." (an old indian name for the lake) We figured this would take us to Agate Beach, because on the map it goes follows out to the beach. Well, little to our knowledge it does get close to the beach, but the trail is a few hundred feet up(give or take a hundred). Needless to say, we couldn't exactly just cut off the path and get to the beach on the trail we took. It was a beautiful trail of photo ops, we took a little break at one such point and decided to go back around to the other side of the river take a trail to the beach.
We worked up a lot of sweat on our journey, but it was well worth it, and we also had cool breezes with the wind off the lake. It's funny though, how you can be so hot and then so cold in a matter of an hour or so. When we go to the beach, the clouds were covering the sun and the wind was just ripping through my Tshirt. Angela got the award for being most prepared, having a sweater to put on while at the beach, and pretty much anything else you could want.

The whole time at the Falls was probably about 3hours or so, seems like sort of a short time, but we were all pretty exhausted by the time we were walking back to the car. On our walk back to the car a nice lady named (i think) Malory and her husband stopped to ask if we could give her a ride to their car. They had parked south of Gooseberry on 61 around Castle Danger area. They started out around noon and hiked the Superior something or other trail :). It took them abour 4hours to get to Gooseberry and realized it might be a bit dark on the way back. And might take a bit longer going back, since they had already walked/hiked up and down rocks and what not already the way there. So, we of course were gracious and brought Malory back to their car so she could go back and pick up her husband.
While talking with her she asked us all what we did for schooling, etc and after awhile she asked us how we all knew each other. Since we all do such different things, it was hard to put us all together in how we met. We laughed and then explained to her our connections, it made me think of how interesting it is to see how friendships are all so differently made.

After we dropped her off, we flew down a dirt road back to 61 and headed to Blackwoods for dinner. A place highly recommended by Brooke and actually some other friends I know, so that was fun to finally experience. I've mostly heard about the men's bathrooms that are "so cool" because they put ice in the bottom of the urinals and there are small windows above the urinals that you can look out and spy on the people at the bar. (the people in the bar can't see you tho) The women's bathroom is pretty lame compared to that, but they do have a bowl of mints in there.
Our meal was very delicious, speaking of meals, I'm getting hungry for lunch and have a left over chicken sandwich to finish. Mmm... We then left and started our trek home, once back to my place Ang had this crazy idea of going to Lifetime since she hadn't been running in 4days. She was determined, so she went to burn calories while Brooke and I decided to consume them with delicious Edy's *Light* Slow Churned Mocha Almond Swirl Ice Cream... MMMmmm... it has 1/2 the fat and 1/3 less calories.
A fantastic way to end a great roadtrip and hiking adventure!
Who's up for the next one??

Git busy Livin' or Git busy Dyin'

Shawshank Redemption... great movie. It's really intense at parts, but I love the ending. I just saw it on TNT tonite, (so if you haven't seen it, I'm sure it will be on sometime again next week or even this weekend! :)) and even though I have it on DVD, I still sit and watch it with the commercials. I often wonder why I don't just put in the DVD instead, watch without commercials, see everything and get done sooner than the duration of it on TV. Owell...

It made me think of all the places I want to see before I die. I want to live, live a full life and experience things... these are just a few of the places...

Washington D.C. (all the museums and memorials, etc.)
Boynton Beach, FL (go back to where I used to live when I was 5, just to see what it looks like now)
Yosemite National Park/Redwood Forest (always wanted to see the giant trees you can drive through)
California (go to the coolest beaches there, i forget the names)
Italy
Scotland
Ireland
Pretty much all of the UK
France
Spain's Gold Coast
Australia/New Zealand
Thailand
China (for the Great Wall)
Africa... to help in someway with poverty, etc.
Haiti atleast one last time to Tricote
Belize again
Slovakia

The list could go on... one other thing I've been thinking a lot about lately is the hurricane. I mean, who hasn't, right? I keep thinking how much I'd like to help somehow, just giving financially doesn't seem like much because what I could give seems miniscual(sp?). How is my $10 or $20 going to help? Oh me, of little faith I guess. I'd rather be out there doing something, but then I'd actually be giving up a lot since I don't have time off from work. I heard that some people here are letting the right people know they have extra beds for the homeless. Wow, that's awesome, but being a single young woman and really only having a couch, not quite sure it's the best scenario for me. So, I guess I pray Lord what do you want me to do? Have Faith. Hope....
I pray hope for the hopeless... that they might somehow find joy and the one thing that can bring them hope and joy. peace. love. grace. mercy. patience. Christ.

in the last words of Red in Shawshank...

i hope... ...