Updates...

Hello folks! Now that the letters are out, I thought I'd break the news onto this blog as well! I'm going back to Haiti... YIpeEE! So, if you want more info, etc... or a letter in that case, email me/post a comment or hop on over to www.haitijournal.blogspot.com

I will be trying to keep that blog updated with thoughts and prayers about this new journey(yet, not so new in my heart :))

In other news...
I bought a digital camera (gulp, an overwhelming process)... I like it... I think... it's such a big purchase, but it's one of those small Nikon Coolpix cameras... it feels too small to really take decent pictures. But as in other areas of life I should remind myself... size doesn't always matter! :) It's got 5.1 megapixels and 3x zoom, and a Lithium/Ion battery... I was going to get this other one that seemed a bit more sturdy, but you had to buy a battery charger and AA rechargable batteries too... an extra 30bucks... that one had 5x zoom, but I just don't think I use zoom enough anyways. And, this one I got seems to do pretty well... although when I try to shoot with the Macro mode with no flash, it wigs out and a "steady camera" icon blinks. I even set it on the table and shot the object and it still wouldn't go away. Annoying! So, I'll have to figure that one out, and I got free passes to the classes that National Camera gives, so that'll be good. Here are a couple fun shots I took while playing with it last night.

I think this one was actually without the macro setting on, and auto flash... not bad I guess. I wish I could have gotten outside to take some wintry snow shots, but the day just got away from me. Bummer! Owell... that's all for now.

Have a Happy New Year ya'll!

cherry coke! :)

A couple blogs back I mentioned a cool picture of a cherry coke.
Let me tell you, I'm usually all about lots of cherries, but I didn't want anymore cherries for a long time after that... there were probably 6 more down inside the drink that you can't even see!

(for a reminder of the blog click here and read para. 4)

and the icecream sundae...

So, that was my time at TGIFridays, I sure left with a full stomach!











I didn't mention anything in the birthday blog about my experience at "The Shout House"... it's a piano bar in Block E in Minneapolis... a dueling piano bar, actually! You can put in requests, etc, and of course they caught word that it was my birthday. So, they had me and another girl whose birthday it was, come up and sit on the piano. Then, they called up all the "single guys" of the place to come and sing "You've Lost that Lovin' Feelin'"... hmm... as the picture shows... I was a bit embarassed, especially since it took half the song for any of my friends to come up... well, now that I think of it, only one in attendance was single, but he dragged a couple others up with him.













This is another picture at the Shout House of Heather, my old roomate, and the piano player doing the "actions" to Grease Lightning. She happened to stand up and do them right by the table, so he saw her and couldn't help but make her get up on stage, since she was already standing and doing them. It was pretty hilarious!

I Celebrate the Day... by Relient K

And with this Christmas wish is missed
The point I could convey
If only I could find the words to say to
let You know how much You've touched my life
Because here is where You're finding me,
in the exact same place as New Year's eve
And from a lack of my persistency
We're less than half as close as I want to be

And the first time
That You opened Your eyes did You realize that
You would be my Savior
And the first breath that left Your lips
Did You know that it would change this world forever

And so this Christmas I'll compare the
things I felt in prior years
To what this midnight made so clear
That You have come to meet me here

To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me
In the hope that what You did
That you were born so I might live
To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me

And I, I celebrate the day
That You were born to die
So I could one day pray for You to save my life

I really like this song, it really made me think of things a bit differently. The whole disk is actually really good... It's called "Deck the Halls, Bruise Your Hands" The title made me laugh! :) Most of the carols on this disk are in Relient K goofy fun style, except this one and maybe one or two others.

A Cave...

This weekend in church we heard from a speaker(I forget her name, sorry), a friend of Jan Bros'... she talked about times of being in the dark and how we often run from those times. I think I have been doing that for the last couple of weeks.
It is good to be told not to run, but to acknowledge what it is, and wait. The question she asked close to the end was, "What are you waiting for?"
The answer to that question, I'm not sure right now...

if nothing else... waiting to not feel like I'm on a rollercoaster of emotions.

pondering this for now...

Reflections on my day

Today started out pretty normal, pulled myself outta bed about 7:29am, took a shower, got ready and the whole bit. I wondered if anyone would call me this morning with birthday wishes, but nope. Okay, no big deal.
I drove to work and as I pulled into the parking lot I could feel myself get really overwhelmed with tears... I shook it off and a little while into the workday I got my first phone call... it was my 4 year old niece, Sarah! "Hello Antie Lisa... pause (overhearing sis's voice, "remember what you were going to say?").. Happy Birthday!" I say thank you and she proceeds to tell me how she went to the store with mommy and they got strawberry and cherry and green apple gum, and that Joshy(who is going to be 3 in January) was eating some and she was eating some. Cute, and then she asks, "Antie, when are you going to come to my house and see me?" I said hopefully soon, and she replies "Okay, you have to come so you can have some of my gum."
How cute is that... I love that the coolest thing for her was getting gum at the store and hoping that I would come soon so she could share it with me. She tried handing the phone to Joshua, but he only does things on his terms these days.. he'll only do it if it was his idea from the beginning. :) No biggie (boys... sometimes they just never change... tee hee... jk) I ended the phone call with my sister who was driving and had Joshua now complaining about something Sarah had done.
Got back to work after that... Mom called and said Happy Birthday... Always nice to hear your mom's voice on your birthday. Georgia finally got to work around 10:30ish and we chatted for a bit. She's always great at making you feel special... she happened to tell/remind(although she denies it) a few of our common friends that it was my birthday. That was sweet, so randomly throughout the day a got some emails and text messages from those ppl. One of the calls was from her older brother Joe, he's somebody who I often just joke around with because he's so easy to pick on. He never calls for me, so when I picked up and said hello and he said who it was, I knew it was because Georgia told him it was my bday. I quickly answered, "Well, hi Joe, how are you?" With a bit of sarcasm in my voice, and he responds by saying "You sound a little sassy today" I said, "Sassy?" He said, "Yeah, but I hear it's your birthday, so it's okay"... what a randomly funny kid. Anyways... I don't know why I told that story... but it just stuck out as funny to me.
We went to lunch at TGIFriday's and of course they told the waitress it was my birthday. I forget that they like to tie balloons all over you... in fact each server comes with two and ties them on. Good thing it wasn't dinner time, or they'd have way more servers on. It was a nice lunch and really got me in a good mood... it helped that the waitress put about 12 cherries in my cherry coke. (which I got a sweet digital pic of that I'm hoping to post in the near future) We then went to Avant Garden, the best coffee shop in downtown Anoka, and I'd have to say maybe even in Minnesota! :) The coolest part about going there was that I saw my good old friend from my old church, Brooke, her birthday is Dec. 3rd... and we always remembered our birthdays... so immediately when she saw me she said "Happy Birthday" and I said "Happy Birthday to you in two days!" It was pretty cool... we caught up quick and then she had to leave.

(sorry this is getting long)

We got back to work and I got a couple other calls and what not... but I just have to say a couple cool things that happened out of my control that were just cool. For the last couple years there hasn't been a whole lot of snow on my birthday, so I told a couple people and just thought to myself that it would be fun to have snow on my birthday. Yay, it snowed before my birthday... and even better there was a pretty snowfall off and on all day out my window. It was something small, and I would've lived without it, but it happened.
Cool thing number two came in a very odd way. You see... I really love flowers, especially roses. About three months ago or so, for some reason I just got it in my head that all I really wanted for my birthday was to get flowers or roses from someone, anyone, well someone I knew atleast. There really isn't that special someone who I knew I might get any from, so coming up to my day I knew it would be pretty unlikely. It wasn't like I was going to tell my mom or anyone... hey can you have my dad or can you have someone get me flowers. That would be silly and not mean anything... so whatever. I was sitting at my desk today and would randomly think about the flowers and kept telling myself, it's not going to happen and that's really okay. I have all these people who care and love me, that really is enough. Well, the four o'clock hour rolled around and I was leaving at 5pm... not much left to do, but wait for this one guy to pick up some postcards and print some posters, etc. As I was checking the printer, the guy who was picking up his posters came around the corner. He knew it was my birthday because he was supposed to come at 2 and pick up then, but was told we were going out to lunch for my birthday. Paul is his name, and he is a counselor and now author of the book he is having us(me) design. A very thoughtful and "counselor" type person, always giving a lot of affirmation of the designs I've done, etc. (sometimes too much... but he's married with children, so don't think this is wierd)... So, back to today... he came around the corner and said Happy Birthday... and had some sort of flower(s) to give me. I was floored... it felt wierd at first, I kept telling him it was so unnecessary, but thanked him kindly. I finally brought it back to my desk and opened it... a single White Rose!! It took me a minute to realize what and who it really was from...
Thanks God...

I've said things before about not liking the word "blessing" and over spiritualizing things... but this... I can't explain it... I truly believe that Paul was just the messenger/catalyst. It wasn't going to appear out of no where... He cares... he cares about the little things... and the big things.

I also have to give a big shout out to Angela... she doesn't have time to read this, but I know she has been trying her best to make this a good birthday for me. We went to PF Chang's tonite and had a lovely dinner... and then we went to Express so I could find something fun to wear tomorrow night... Going to The Shout House... and what do you know... I had a gift card from awhile back that had $20 on it, I had totally forgotten about it, and I originally got a 10dollar off card from them for my birthday... sweet!! :)

So... yes... the big 2-5... it was a good day...
love to all...

It's official... the big 2-5

hmm... well, I was just lying in bed trying to fall asleep and I couldn't. Tomorrow(or today, rather) is the looming birthday... my quarter life birthday has come and sometimes it feels a little depressing. I'm not going to wallow in it or anything... but I'm on the closer end to being thirty than I am to being twenty. Yes, I know, I'm young... not married and no kids... I'm free to make my decisions independently. So, that's what I'm focusing on... and beginning to make some new goals for myself... where I want to be in five years from now....

• close to or already have bought my own house

• quite possibly be all free-lancing in design or decorative painting on walls... or canvas

• have taken a trip to Europe?!

hmm... i know there are more... but now my brain is definitely shutting down... maybe I can hit they hay now...

asta la vista

A Thanksgiving verse/"blessing" for you all...

I always thank God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. For in him you have been enriched in every way–in all your speaking and in all your knowledge– because our testimony about Christ was confirmed in you. Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful.
1Corinthians 1:4-9 (NIV)

version from The Message:
Every time I think of you– and I think of you often!– I thank God for your lives of free and open access to God, given by Jesus. There's no end to what has happened to you–it's beyond speech, beyond knowledge. The evidence of Christ has been clearly verified in your lives.
Just think– you don't need a thing, you've got it all! All God's gifts are right in front of you as you wait expectantly for our Master Jesus to arrive on the scene for the Finale. And not only that, but God himself is right alongside you to keep you steady and on track until all things are all wrapped up by Jesus. God who got you started in this spiritual adventure, shares with us the life of his Son our Master Jesus. He will never give up on you. Never forget that.

As I was reading this in the NIV version, I was trying to make sense of it, and wanted to put it on here as a prayer of thanks to my friends. I decided to take a look at it from "The Message" point of view, and really liked it's version. I love how God surprises me while reading a verse I'm intending for something else and then it's like BAM... "no Lisa, that was for you too"

letting go

I've been at this place for awhile now, learning what it means to fully let go, and where to go from here.

Gripping on so tight with the security I have inside
Knowing what is right holding onto my pride

Letting go of the things I hold so dear
Letting go of all my pain and all my fears
Letting go of the things I hold so dear
Letting go of all my pain and all my fears

I have been brought to a place
Where I want to give up everything
Where all I can do is seek your face
And my brokenness I will bring

Holding on to the things I deem so strong
Holding on even tho my faith has been built so long
Holding on to the things I deem so strong
Holding on to what I know

I'm letting go

-Jeremy Camp



God, grant me the grace of a deep and true repentance.

deliver me

Deliver me out of the sadness
Deliver me from all the madness
Deliver me courage to guide me
Deliver me Your strength inside me

CHORUS:
All of my life
I've been in hiding
Wishing there was someone just like You
Now that You're here
Now that I've found You
I know that You're the One to pull me through

Deliver me loving and caring
Deliver me giving and sharing
Deliver me this cross that I'm bearing

Oh, deliver me

Jesus, Jesus how I trust You
How I've proved You o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus
Deliver me
Come and pull me through
Come pull me through

- david crowder

lesson learned

During the summer(and a couple times since) you may remember my mention of the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge, how great it was and that I was getting a lot out of it. I wished I knew this stuff and could've held it close during those late high-school/early college years of my life.
That got me thinking about my small group girls, and the junior girls in general(only a third of them are in my group), and got me thinking about doing some kind of bible study/book study with them. I did some talking with a few of them to see if it was something they would be interested in, and I got a lot of positive feedback. But, I was still hesitant, mostly because I've never felt like a stellar, "teaching leader," if you will. I can listen to girls, give advice, encouragement and prayer, but put me in a position of teaching and I feel so inadequate.
After a lot of prayer(and talking to Scott) and procrastination, I finally made up a flyer about it and took the junior girls aside before small groups and told them about this opportunity which was to start November 13th(today).
This was a week and a half ago, which I thought would be enough time. If I had mentioned it too early in advance, I thought they'd forget. I made sure to make an announcement on wed. night to remind them that it was this sunday, and a lot of them asked me about it to confirm directions etc.
Unfortunately, only two ended up making it tonight! :( I was all ready and prepared too! I was a bit disapointed, but things just happen, and they just seemed to happen to a bunch of them tonight. The three of us talked a little bit about what it would look like and also thought of about 5 people who were originally planning to come.
So, I'm not too upset, but the one thing I didn't plan so well was how much in advance I should be letting students know about things. I always forget how busy they are as well, and that two weeks probably would have been ideal. I was just so focused about wanting it to start, and frustrated with my procrastinating, that I didn't want to wait longer. But my lesson has been learned, it didn't get me any further. owell...

exactly.

For some time now, I've been trying to some up how I've been feeling inside. It has been a mish mash of things, which seem to be happening around me, things I feel I have no control over. I've had a hard time describing it, because I haven't wanted to sound mopy or like I'm having a pity party. But tonite (early sun. morning), I ran across Jan's blog and it spoke so much of what I've been feeling... read it here if you haven't already.

The first line reads:
What do you do with the undone places of life? The sentences which never get punctuated? The stories which never get told? The relationships which are always open ended? The dreams which are never fulfilled?

wow... those are deep things, and the ones I've been thinking about lately are the relationships and dreams never fulfilled. She also talks about an "ache"... i've had that often lately.
But I love how she so simply and wonderfully completes it...

In Christ All things will be made new.

That is the only place where I'll truly be fulfilled in every single way, which completely explains why I feel the things I do, even though it's a hard answer.
You should read it if you haven't... it's really good.
So, Jan, if you ever run across this... thanks for such great words!

dark days ahead (in the literal meaning)

I do like setting my clock back in the fall for an extra hour of sleep, but I dread the shorter hours of daylight. It's just depressing sometimes, I don't fully understand why we have to go back and forth all the time. I mean, what would seriously happen if we just didn't ever do it? I'm sure there's some research or history about it out there in internet land, but I've got better things to do that sit and read an article about something I really can't change at the moment anyways.

I don't know why I felt the need to blog this... but i did.

Happy Halloween-

Anyone coming to Night in the Light? I'm doing face painting... yay! I'm really excited, I'll be the one with overalls on and a bandana in my hair!

WOW!

Nickle Creek was FAntAStiC!!! I really enjoyed their cds that I got burned from my friends(grin), but to see them in concert... it left me speechless. I have to agree with my roomate that it is definitely one of the best concerts I have been to.. ever. They are incredibly talented, it wasn't just them playing the music, it was an experience, it drew me in and I often found myself just watching the fingers of Chris who played mandolyn like a maniac. It actually made me think of Matt Patrick, our beloved open door worship leader who is now residing in Slovakia for a year. The passion he had for what he was doing(speaking of Chris) was what made the connection to Matt.
The meet and greet portion wasn't as cool as I was hoping. It was nice because there were only like less than ten of us, but it seemed a bit rushed. I give them slack because I'm sure the touring schedule is hard-core, but one of the guys barely even attempted a conversation. I wasn't all about only wanting a signature, and I barely cared for that even, but more wanted to have a casual conversation. We talked to Sara (the amazing violinist)... and realized that she's only about 25-26, and that they've been playing music together since they were like 10 years old. She has been playing violin since she was six... that explains a lot! She also has a beautifully harmonizing voice that I would love to have! We talked to Chris a little bit too, he was more friendly... I think the guitarist, Sean, was the one who wasn't enthused about the whole thing. Everybody's got their bad days though, I guess. :) We took pictures with the two of them and then after, we were escorted out the back stage doors. They mentioned though, that they were planning on playing some stuff outside the tour bus on the street. We stuck around, but there were fans that were really obsessed and picture crazy that crowded around and gawked. Why couldn't they just treat em' like normal people, let them play without flashes going off every 5seconds.

I have a new appreciation for their music, and would definitely pay for tickets next time they come around. The cds just don't do the concert justice, but it's nice that the cds are still pretty good.

Oh yeah, I forgot, when we were in the meet and greet this one guy was asking Chris something about being a "blue-grass" band... and if they were trying to get into that scene at all. I loved Chris' answer, the main point of what he told the man was, we're not trying to be in any certain genre... why try hard to get into one certain label or category.
This was so interesting to me because having been a CCM reader for many years, there is always the topic in the christian music scene of "Do we try to go out into the world and sing and go for mainstream, or stay in the christian bubble"... etc... I never thought about that "labeling" junk occuring in all areas of music.

So, once again... a blog about music, you'd think I was some sort of musician..
nope, just a "wannabe" :) ... with a choir singing voice once in awhile

What are the Odds?

Yesturday during work I decided to log on the web to Cities 97, to see if there were any good songs on their web-cast radio. As I had that on I was browsing and noticed that you could sign-up for their weekly drawing, which consists of various concerts, etc. Well, i didn't know that you could choose several of the different things listed. I happened to just choose the Nickle Creek Concert... they have their 5-4-3-2-1 give away, and what do you know? I WON!
I received an email this afternoon that let me know I won 2 tickets in the 5th row and two "meet and greet" passes! ROCK! How cool is that? Who ever thinks they're really going to win? I sure don't.

So yay! I'm going to the concert with Angela... woot woot...

I want to blog something more... but still not sure how to sum up these past few days... they have been somewhat rollercoaster-"ish" but at the same time there has been this underlying and flowing peace.

it's an evanescence sort of couple days

i go in ruts sometimes with music, and I think Evanescence will be one of those for awhile... it helps a lot for me to just belt out this when I'm stressed or a little upset in areas of my life... this is one of my outlets...
here are some lyrics of one of her songs...

whisper

catch me as i fall
say you're here and it's all over now
speaking to the atmosphere
no one's here and i fall into myself
this truth drives me into madness
i know i can stop the pain if i will it all away

don't turn away
don't give in to the pain
don't try to hide
though they're screaming your name
don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
don't turn out the light
never sleep never die

i'm frightened by what i see
but somehow i know that there's much more to come
immobilized by my fear
and soon to be blinded by tears
i can stop the pain if i will it all away

don't turn away
don't give in to the pain
don't try to hide
though they're screaming your name
don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
don't turn out the light
never sleep never die

fallen angels at my feet
whispered voices at my ear
death before my eyes
lying next to me i fear
she beckons me shall i give in
upon my end shall i begin
forsaking all i've fallen for i rise to meet the end

some of the lyrics make me wonder what she's really trying to say... because I like the line that says "I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away"... but at the same time, I know that I can't do it all on my own... but I am the one who has to "choose" to not sit in where I'm at... so that's how I see it for me

anyone else have any comments about it? or of any other random things... or any other good music to use when stressed or upset to let it all out?

busy weeks comin' up

Georgia(my partner in graphic design crime) left for Africa on Friday, which means a work load and a half for me for the next two weeks... i'm afraid of the stress that will most likely be coming tomorrow morning. Which means I need to leave the seat I am in, and hit the hay.

there is much more to blog about... but no time to do now.

love to all!

Pirates of the Caribbean character...

Funny, since I'm a girl... but whatever...


Which Pirates of the Caribbean character are you?

holding back

About a week and a half ago I was talking to a good friend of mine... it was about a lot of different stuff, but one thing that came up was how I tend to hold things back in conversations. At first I just explained that I tend to hold my opinions to myself in some situations because others usually have much stronger ones and really good explanations to what they are feeling.

As for me, I obviously do have opinions, but I tend to hold them back because I have a hard time articulating them into things that others will understand. I feel sometimes if I try to make a bold statement, or hold an opinion about something I don't know the complete hardcore facts about, others will start asking "why's" or pointed questions that I can't answer. And then, I'll look stupid for having the opinion. Or I just won't be able to fully explain what I'm trying to say... so I hold back and let others speak.

I grew up with a sister(whom i love dearly) who was very vocal and could explain her life away in whatever circumstance needed. She could debate either side of any situation, and always seemed to have the perfect answer for the questions or whatever it was that she encountered. I remember watching/listening to her and my mom argue over and over about the same thing, and sometimes they'd be saying the exact thing, but in completely opposite ways. It drove me crazy. One thing I remember from those times was that my mom would at some point tell her, "I'm not wired the same way you are, my mind can't keep up with yours, you need to slow down and talk rationally"... or something to that effect.
This is how my mom and I are so alike, and though it's wonderful to know someone who understands that, I wish I could have more of my sister in me.

So, that's just some background to how I've come to learn and be the person I am today. I am trying to learn to change, to not care what people think of how things come out of me. The thing is, I don't worry about what they think of my opinion, it's about not knowing if they'll understand what I'm saying, and if they'll take the time to listen.

I've also noticed through a conversation my roomate and I were having, and through the book "Captivating" I just finished, that besides in groups of people, I do the same thing one on one. But, in these cases, it has more to do with what they will think. I'm afraid when it comes to a decision or "issue" of some kind, that I'll be rejected or not understood, or a whole heap of things. I'm so afraid of the unknown sometimes. I stand back and think about that and say to myself, "Isn't better to just find out what the unknown is?"
It's a hard concept to grasp... and to learn... learn to trust even though there are so many times that have been proven to me it will be okay.
Here is an excerpt from Captivating that speaks a bit about this...
"...But we don't get to wait to offer our lives until we have our acts together. We don't get that luxury. If we did, would anyone ever feel like offering anything? God asks us to be vulnerable. He invites us to share and give in our weaknesses. He wants us to offer the beauty that he has given us even when we are keenly aware that it is not all that we wish it were. He wants us to trust him.
How it turns out is no longer the point. Living in this way, as a woman alive, is a choice we make because it is the woman we want to be. It is our loving response to our Lover's invitation."

I finished the book, and it is soo good! I encourage any woman young or old to read it! I could read it again and get more things from it.

May I continue to understand that it doesn't matter how it comes out...
I want to take risks, and if I get hurt and fall down, He'll pick me back up and I'll learn from whatever I stumbled on.

still too busy...

It has still been one busy season with me lately. Although I've made a step in a couple right directions financially and in that one certain thing I wasn't specific about in the blog before this one. So, though things are still very busy at work and kind of still at home in general... I'm sort of seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, or atleast a tiny bit lighter of a load.

So, if I could give my life right now a song it would be....

40
by none other than U2, of course.

I waited patiently for the Lord
He inclined and heard my cry
He brought me up out of the pit
Out of the miry clay

I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song

How long to sing this song?
How long to sing this song?
How long...how long...how long...
How long...to sing this song

He set my feet upon a rock
And made my footsteps firm
Many will see
Many will see and fear

I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song

How long to sing this song?
How long to sing this song?
How long...how long...how long
How long...to sing this song

I just love this... though the thing that God brought to light and made me realize is hard, I will still sing a new song. It's amazing how we can be so stuck in one place, and not really realize it until we're willing to give something up.
That's where I'm at right now... at this place of things constantly changing and me not... until I give it all up and totally trust in Him and depend on Him no matter what, my things will remain and I will gain no distance. So God help me to keep giving up these things I feel like I need to hold on to, the things that only I can choose to release to you.

overwhelming

This week has been a very busy week in Vision Van Gogh land.... many projects to do, and not enough hours in the day to do them. Not to mention I sort of took on a little side project for a friend. It should turn out to pay-off, but it's hard to work at home, after a long day of work already.

I hate how when you get really busy at work, every other thing in your life seems that much bigger and harder too. I was in tears Tues. after talking to the H.Insurance co. and then Allina... I really don't like them by the way.. long story short... had to get shots and pills for belize, my current doc.'s office (north clinic) didn't have a travel doc., had to go to Allina and got charged for one of the visits because you only get one "preventive phys." a calendar year. UGH! Anyways... I was trying to reason with them and understand where things went wrong... I feel bad cuz I hung up on the lady at Allina, I guess it wasn't exactly her fault, but they just treat you like you should know all these things. It really really really sux...

Today I was on the verge of tears for no other reason than that I was thinking too much about a certain situation, I just couldn't let it go and work on my stuff. But, I finally took a deep breath and prayed for God to take it away. It took a couple minutes, but I just let it go... and what do you know, it worked. I forget so often to take deep breaths and look UP†!

Sometimes I feel like if I don't think abotu it, I'll forget completely about it, and then the problem or situation will get worse. You know, another phrase that so many christians use is that one that says, "let go, and let God"
so I know it's true... but sometimes it sounds too easy... maybe that's the point? I don't know...

So, to my overwhelmed-ness... I say... I'm getting through this.... but not on my own!
Thanks God... for opening my eyes to see you sitting right there beside me all along.

What the ???

I so friggen annoyed at blogger right now! I must be an idiot because I've been trying to put a picture on my profile now for almost an hour!! After I finally get the whole url thing down and linked up to my mac homepage (spare me the mac's suck, not in the mood)... and the retarted blogger site tells me "Maximum file size is 50 kilobytes" what the hell? That's like frikken tiny... what files are ever that small??? I guess I've not been educated enough in web developement or design. I went to school for graphics in print... not this web foolishness. Seriously, I am going to bed, but I'm sooo angry!
Can anyone help this poor soul without making jabs at my Mac?! I know that's not the problem, just operator error I'm quite quite sure!

good night.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Getting to Know You...

DANG... I totally filled that all out and somehow logged myself out in another window... when I posted, it made me log in again and it was lost forever :( sad... I guess I have to do it quick again... that took some thought... here goes...

Things I want to do before I die
1. travel to many places... see Git busy livin, or git busy dyin
2. fall in love and wed
3. bear children
4. learn to crochet
5. go back to Haiti (Erin, you know I'm there...just tell me when!!)

Things I can do
1. listen
2. encourage
3. roll my tounge
4. tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tounge
5. play like a child

Things I cannot do
1. drive a manual transmission
2. pee standing up (without a mess)
3. run a mile in 5minutes
4. complex math
5. a headstand
(these were way better the first time :( )

Things that attract me to my husband(for single folk, what attracts to opposite sex)
1. smile
2. ambition
3. passion for truth
4. adventurous
5. attentive/listening and engaging skills

Celebrity crushes
1. Antonio Banderas
2. George Clooney
3. Doogie Howser (what was his real name? no time to search)
4. Micheal Vartan (teacher in Never Been Kissed)
5. Matthew McConoughay (sp?)

People I want to do this next
1. Dan
2. David
3. Glatzel
4.
5.

A wiff of Katrina.

As I drove to work this morning and viewed the outcome of our disastrous storm, my emotions rose up in me. I wasn't seeing a lot of houses severely damaged, but there were many huge trees uprooted and split in two. I think the emotions come because it is such an amazing(though not good) display of power, and it makes me wonder why and how others don't believe in God.

Another thought that came to mind was Hurricane Rita that is about to hit Texas and of course, Katrina. Our devastation here, is much much less, I dare to say a "fifth" of the destruction that Katrina caused. I'm not saying that we shouldn't be shocked or upset or anything about what happened here in the Twin Cities, but it just gives us a small wiff of what happened and will be happening down south.

Lord, have mercy on the south!

declaration...

I have made a vow to myself that I must not get engaged until after November of 2006. A funny vow/declaration, I know. Especially since there's really no official boys in the picture anyways. Probably even stranger that I feel the need to post this on my blog, but as the title of my blog is... it's random! (and i don't care if it were to be classified as blog vomit or whatever some ppl say...!!)
I've just realized that after this october I'll finally be done with having immediate friends getting married(knock on wood). There aren't many of my friends who are only in dating relationships, and yeah, it could happen in any way... BUT... I'd really like to go a whole year without thinking about ANY marraige/wedding etc plans. As much as it really is a beautiful and wonderful thing, it's hard being a single woman when weddings are the only things that seem to be happening lately. I want to go a month without thinking, "hmm.. I wonder what that will be like for me"
People say that you shouldn't be planning your wedding before you have the ring, but when you're in 3 weddings in one year, it's pretty much inevitable. You picture yourself and of course some face-less man in every certain situation. Maybe if I would've been proactive in the beginning, I could have tried to make my mind think of something opposite, like my funeral or something. haha.. okay, no, not a laughing matter... i could pick something a bit less morbid, but at this point I have no ideas. I don't know if that would have helped, but if I had known I'd be feeling and thinking these things... I think I'd of tried something different.

So, all that to say, I was at a girls only engagement party(friends got together and gave her ideas, advice etc.) for a friend's sister, of whom I know fairly well. That is where all of these thoughts came from as I was driving home, because I don't want to be the mean girl who hates weddings, but I decided I just REALLY need a break. And... for this sweet girl, I need to gracefully tell her I love her, but not that much. haha... JK... but really, she has like 5 other girls who are all excited to give their ideas. I'm really not needed. AMEN!

so... hold me accountable.. would ya? :) haha
(but really, you've probably got a pretty easy job... )
(p.s. and please please just in case... don't tell me how it will be me next... or i have nothing to worry about.... that's really really not what this was about at all!!! it was just about needing a break from the wedding fare)

Thanks for the blessings God!

I've never actually liked that word, "blessings." It sounds so cliché, and so over-used in christian settings, but for lack of a better term it is what I have been receiving lately.

It seems that I'm always so surprised when God seems to really care about the little things, and then remind me that they really aren't little. For instance, these last few months I've really wanted to try and cut back financially because honestly I simply can't afford going out to eat more than once a week, or even 4 times a month. It really has been a struggle to figure out where my money is going, and for that reason I have signed up for the Good Sense Money Management Class.

The class starts this weekend, and I know that it is not going to be easy, it will be a lot of work. But even in signing up, saying "yes" to be financially stable, I've noticed little ways that God has blessed me through trusting him. It has been hard knowing what to give money to, but then when I give to the things I know are important, he seems to provide in the areas that I don't necessarily "need" to spend money. (ie. out to eat)

So, this is a "shout-out" to God... Thank you Lord, for providing the "little things"... and also the big things.
(but those are what we notice more, and don't have as much trouble thanking Him for)

I've been reading a lot lately from different blogs about missions. One of them is out of country doing missions and the other is asking the question why it looks so different to see missionaries as people who are serving right here, in our community. Why does it "seem" so different, when we're all using the same basic principles.

Well, I decided to go to dictionary.com to find the definition of "missions" this is what I found:

1. 1. A body of persons sent to conduct negotiations or establish relations with a foreign country.
   2. The business with which such a body of persons is charged.
   3. A permanent diplomatic office abroad.
   4. A body of experts or dignitaries sent to a foreign country.
2. 1. A body of persons sent to a foreign land by a religious organization, especially a Christian organization, to spread its faith or provide educational, medical, and other assistance.
   2. A mission established abroad.
   3. The district assigned to a mission worker.
   4. A building or compound housing a mission.
   5. An organization for carrying on missionary work in a territory.
   6. missions Missionary duty or work.
3. A Christian church or congregation with no cleric of its own that depends for support on a larger religious organization.
4. A series of special Christian services for purposes of proselytizing.
5. A welfare or educational organization established for the needy people of a district.
6. 1. A special assignment given to a person or group: an agent on a secret mission.
   2. A combat operation assigned to a person or military unit.
   3. An aerospace operation intended to carry out specific program objectives: a mission to Mars.
7. An inner calling to pursue an activity or perform a service; a vocation.

So, by these definitions, the one we as Christians reflect on most or assume most is definition #2. Which says specifically going to a foreign land. We forget about definition 2c-e... WHY? I just don't understand.
I know for me, it was always taught that way all during my growing up years in the church since I was a kid. Probably some time in highschool was when I heard that "foreign land" could refer to a foreign place right here in the city, not just some place across the ocean.

The thing that excites me, is that I don't have to think about it that way anymore. It will be more difficult, but I'm up for the challenge. I'm also excited because our new "youth guy" is making an effort to get our youth out there in our city... be it Maple Grove or North/South Minneapolis, he has this mission mindedness that is right here. He wants us to have nights this year that we're being the Hands and Feet of Jesus. I think it is something we've lacked for so long, and like I've said two times already, I'm excited!

So, in an attempt to pull this thing together(because I lost my direction in that last paragaph) I've really been thinking about this missional life thing lately and I'm curious to see what God does in me and the lives of those who work with me.

more gooseberry pix

These are in no certain order, by the way.
Angela and I on the Gitchee Gummee Trail


















Lake Superior and Agate Beach














I found a great climbing tree on the way to Agate beach!

gooseberry pix

Brooke, Me, and Angela at the Middle Falls

A pretty view of the lake and Agate Beach on our way trekking the Gitchee Gumme Trail.

A furry friend we found along the way.

Upper Gooseberry Falls

Woah, David did you know you really were there, and shoot, we should have told you that it was a pretty nice and relaxed day, no need for the button up shirt! :) tee hee

Gooseberry fun!

Road trips are always such a blast, and yesturday was no exception! (well, except that our good friend David had to bail because of homework :( ) I was a little nervous because the weather in the morning was not looking good, and I hadn't gotten much sleep. But, that definitely didn't stop me, or the rest of us for that matter.

It was Angela, Brooke and myself, who set out on this adventure of picnicing, hiking, gazing, talking, hiking, laughing, and hiking! :) The North Shore is so beautiful, I always want to call Lake Superior an ocean, but the brisk breezes are a good reminder of lake-worthiness. I guess that doesn't always mean it's not an ocean, it's just that most of the ocean beaches I've been to are sandy, warm and lush with palm trees.

When we first arrived we found a spot on the rocks by the "Middle Falls" and ate our lunches. The sun was out and I found myself wishing I had been as optimistic as my fellow hikers who both wore shorts/capris. It was alright though, I started a new fashion trend and took the bottom of my jeans all the way up to my calf. Once we were done eating, we asked a couple who had asked one of us to take a picture, to take one of us. We then started our trek up the middle falls and around to the Upper Falls which along the way we jumped from rock to rock to cross the river. We all managed to get to the other side without getting wet which was good, since none of us had our suits on at the time (though they were packed)!

We hiked up and over the Upper falls and started on the Snow Shoe Trail which we then realized was also "Gitchee Gummee Trail." (an old indian name for the lake) We figured this would take us to Agate Beach, because on the map it goes follows out to the beach. Well, little to our knowledge it does get close to the beach, but the trail is a few hundred feet up(give or take a hundred). Needless to say, we couldn't exactly just cut off the path and get to the beach on the trail we took. It was a beautiful trail of photo ops, we took a little break at one such point and decided to go back around to the other side of the river take a trail to the beach.
We worked up a lot of sweat on our journey, but it was well worth it, and we also had cool breezes with the wind off the lake. It's funny though, how you can be so hot and then so cold in a matter of an hour or so. When we go to the beach, the clouds were covering the sun and the wind was just ripping through my Tshirt. Angela got the award for being most prepared, having a sweater to put on while at the beach, and pretty much anything else you could want.

The whole time at the Falls was probably about 3hours or so, seems like sort of a short time, but we were all pretty exhausted by the time we were walking back to the car. On our walk back to the car a nice lady named (i think) Malory and her husband stopped to ask if we could give her a ride to their car. They had parked south of Gooseberry on 61 around Castle Danger area. They started out around noon and hiked the Superior something or other trail :). It took them abour 4hours to get to Gooseberry and realized it might be a bit dark on the way back. And might take a bit longer going back, since they had already walked/hiked up and down rocks and what not already the way there. So, we of course were gracious and brought Malory back to their car so she could go back and pick up her husband.
While talking with her she asked us all what we did for schooling, etc and after awhile she asked us how we all knew each other. Since we all do such different things, it was hard to put us all together in how we met. We laughed and then explained to her our connections, it made me think of how interesting it is to see how friendships are all so differently made.

After we dropped her off, we flew down a dirt road back to 61 and headed to Blackwoods for dinner. A place highly recommended by Brooke and actually some other friends I know, so that was fun to finally experience. I've mostly heard about the men's bathrooms that are "so cool" because they put ice in the bottom of the urinals and there are small windows above the urinals that you can look out and spy on the people at the bar. (the people in the bar can't see you tho) The women's bathroom is pretty lame compared to that, but they do have a bowl of mints in there.
Our meal was very delicious, speaking of meals, I'm getting hungry for lunch and have a left over chicken sandwich to finish. Mmm... We then left and started our trek home, once back to my place Ang had this crazy idea of going to Lifetime since she hadn't been running in 4days. She was determined, so she went to burn calories while Brooke and I decided to consume them with delicious Edy's *Light* Slow Churned Mocha Almond Swirl Ice Cream... MMMmmm... it has 1/2 the fat and 1/3 less calories.
A fantastic way to end a great roadtrip and hiking adventure!
Who's up for the next one??

Git busy Livin' or Git busy Dyin'

Shawshank Redemption... great movie. It's really intense at parts, but I love the ending. I just saw it on TNT tonite, (so if you haven't seen it, I'm sure it will be on sometime again next week or even this weekend! :)) and even though I have it on DVD, I still sit and watch it with the commercials. I often wonder why I don't just put in the DVD instead, watch without commercials, see everything and get done sooner than the duration of it on TV. Owell...

It made me think of all the places I want to see before I die. I want to live, live a full life and experience things... these are just a few of the places...

Washington D.C. (all the museums and memorials, etc.)
Boynton Beach, FL (go back to where I used to live when I was 5, just to see what it looks like now)
Yosemite National Park/Redwood Forest (always wanted to see the giant trees you can drive through)
California (go to the coolest beaches there, i forget the names)
Italy
Scotland
Ireland
Pretty much all of the UK
France
Spain's Gold Coast
Australia/New Zealand
Thailand
China (for the Great Wall)
Africa... to help in someway with poverty, etc.
Haiti atleast one last time to Tricote
Belize again
Slovakia

The list could go on... one other thing I've been thinking a lot about lately is the hurricane. I mean, who hasn't, right? I keep thinking how much I'd like to help somehow, just giving financially doesn't seem like much because what I could give seems miniscual(sp?). How is my $10 or $20 going to help? Oh me, of little faith I guess. I'd rather be out there doing something, but then I'd actually be giving up a lot since I don't have time off from work. I heard that some people here are letting the right people know they have extra beds for the homeless. Wow, that's awesome, but being a single young woman and really only having a couch, not quite sure it's the best scenario for me. So, I guess I pray Lord what do you want me to do? Have Faith. Hope....
I pray hope for the hopeless... that they might somehow find joy and the one thing that can bring them hope and joy. peace. love. grace. mercy. patience. Christ.

in the last words of Red in Shawshank...

i hope... ...

just felt like posting a pretty pic of belize for you... should've done this on that site... owell.

clutz=me

so today i went to the pool to sun bathe and in trying to put my chair back down into the reclining position I pinched mmy pointer finger. BAD... there are about 50-100 little blood vessels that burst... and 7hours later it is still softly throbing.

it doesn't help i'm trying to type.. needless to say, it takes a lot longer to type with a thrwobbing finger.

do you know how much you use it?? It's crazy... I think I could've gotten by a little better if it were my wring finger... oh yeah, and it's on the right hand... makes mousing a great obstacle as well... I guess my flicker offer finger will work for that :)... since really it isn't used much for that anyways :) haha... anyhoo- i'll be putting myself out of misery now.
good night

It's official

The news I received from Paul on Thursday is now out in the public and official, he is leaving his position as the sr. high youth pastor.

WOW... I was stunned, though at the same time I know things will be alright and in time we'll find someone to take his place. The news hit me strangely though, I think the biggest thing is that I was really looking forward to some normalcy in the youth group this year. Getting into a new groove with Scott and looking forward to what Paul had planned for this year. I felt I was finally really connecting with him, I was feeling known by him. That is a big deal to me, and my fear now is that nobody will see the history that I have had with the youth ministry at Open Door. It's not that I need some kind of recognition for my long-standing, it's about wanting people to know some of the history, the "memory stones" if you will of the journey we've been on. And, I felt that Paul was the last person in paid leadership who had any inkling to those things.
Of course, it's not as if these things can't be revealed to our current guy(scott, dept. head and jr. high youth pastor), and maybe they have already and I'm just not aware. I don't know how those types of jobs work, but if I was a youth pastor, I think I'd want to know some of the history of the youth ministry, not only about the church as a whole.

Some of my feelings come from not wanting to be forgotten or taken for granted. I feel like I have something to offer, but now the people who knew what those things were, are gone. I think that's where God is pressing into me, asking me to step out on the water. This time, I'm going to have to be vocal about what I'm interested in, not have someone know what I can do and ask me to do it. I've stayed in my comfort zone with the youth for a long time, and sometimes knowingly ignored the callings to share my story, or get up in front of them on a wed. night in some capacity(besides small group settings). So, though this place I'm in is a bit scary, I'm choosing to move forward and listen to His voice in this time of transition.

addition.

7. Seven attendants is way too many! Especially if they're all bridesmaids...(now, if two of those were junior bridesmaids that's a bit of a diff. story).

:D

Another wedding down

Well, I picked up a few more pointers for whenever/ if ever I have my big day.

1. Not doing foot washing.
(i get the symbolism and what not, it just doesn't flow for me)

2. If I wanted to do a slideshow (not sure about one anyways)... I'd have it run while letting the rows out.

3. I'd consider doing the worship time at the end of the wedding. I was surprised that it was at the end, but it was a cool thing to end with. It was cool that the whole wedding party came down from the stage and were apart of the "congregation" of guests. I don't know that I'd ever been in such a deep worshipful place(within myself) during a wedding before.

4. Not introduce my wedding party as if they were a personal ad/miss america as they walk into the reception.

5. The DJ will play more than just the typical wedding music fare... and have much more swing dancing music, and at the beginning of the dance. Veto(sp?) YMCA from the beginning and make sure the DJ has the correct version of the Electric Slide... it's a classic favorite.

6. Oh yes! And one big one, do the bouquet toss soon after the dance begins... or right away! I missed my chance at that AGAIN! Only two more left this year. I better talk to a couple of these brides! :) haha The first one, some old married asian woman caught it! That's got to be outlawed! too bad there aren't do-overs

Okay... now that I've analyzed the poor couple's wedding I must comment that it really doesn't matter what I think... it's her day and it was everything she wanted, so don't think I'm an awful person! Well... whatever if you do, I can take it! :)

good night my dear friends

Six Flags Great America: The Ultimate Coaster Haven

This past few days (sun-tues) was spent with 70youth in Chicago at Six Flags... pretty much the ultimate trip for the Senior High Youth and their leaders!

I LOVE RAGING BULL and SUPERMAN!!!

They are the two best rollercoasters ever built... as far as I'm concerned. I really have only been to two amusement parks, so maybe it doesn't count, but I just don't see how they can get any better unless they lasted more than 3 minutes (which is pretty darn long for a rollercoaster).

Superman description....
You walk to your seat with the track above your head and the seats hanging down from it. You sit in a form fitting seat that has a heavy duty harness coming down over you and another harness type thing that straps your legs in the sitting position. When everyone is checked and locked up, the seat rotates you so that you're now staring at the floor- in a superman flying type position. It pulls out of the boarding station at a minimal speed and brings you up to a point that doesn't seem so high and without an indication you're bolted into fast action doing a complete summersault. It's hard to describe in words just how unreal and freakishly adrenaline rushing this one loop feels. I was screaming and about two thirds of the way down it was cut off by my stomache coliding with my throat.
Although I practically screamed my guts out on that first loop, it was still amazing, I loved it, especially because when I got off, I didn't have that light-headed dizzy feeling like I get when I get off Batman.

Here's a non functioning link that you can go to, it shows the rides so you can really see what they're like...
http://www.sixflags.com/parks/greatamerica/Rides/list.html(i'm not web savvy enough to figure out how to do a link directly yet... gotta work on that)

Raging Bull description...
This one is awesome because you totally feel like you're weightless at so many points in the ride. The first drop is exhilarating, especially if you take your sandals off and go bare-foot with the wind wooshing through your toes and you're on one of the end seats. It gives me the best feeling ever... the adrenaline high is incredible. I can still feel it after two days... I so want to be there soon! So this description is failing miserably at being really specific, but you should just really go if you haven't been there before.

I was saying to Tim that I wonder what it would feel like to go there without running on less than adequate sleep. That would be nice... I think they're open until October... hmmm...
road trip anyone?? :)

the village

If you haven't seen this movie and don't want to hear anything about it... stop right now.

If you're still reading, you probably don't care, even if you do see it, but I am giving away the "so-called" "twist" of the movie... like I said, it's not that big of a deal, except that if you do know before the movie, it would make the whole movie not worth watching.

So, here is my review... though quite late since it seems most people have seen it or have heard enough negatives to not see it. Though I heard the same laments about this movie, I still wanted to see it for myself. I'm glad I did, because I would have wondered if maybe, just maybe I would've really enjoyed it.

I liked it until they told you that "the ones we don't talk about" were actually the "elders" of the town who wanted to escape from real life and create their own "safe" community. I kept thinking, no, that can't be the only twist, there's got to be another one coming. The one thing they threw in at the end was a bit lame... of course explained some things, but it definitely was not the best of M. Night Shamaylan's (however ya spell it) movies. After Sixth Sense, you just can't get much better, or I should say he hasn't.
Though I did enjoy SIGNS, I should watch that one again, boy that brings back memories. I saw that movie with Rich, Corinne, Tim, and JJ, back in the good ol' days when nobody was dating anyone and we all just had good old fashioned fun! But I'm not bitter... tee hee jk i'm really not...
So, back to the review...
Overall, I liked the first half, the second didn't go well and then the ending... that was even more lame. I did like Adriene Brody's character, he kind of made the movie for me, even though he was the one who almost killed Joaquine Phoenix. Or maybe he did kill him, we never do actually find out... DUMB, it's not even one that you care to wonder if he lives or not. It's like, WHAT? that's the ending... wow... this truly was one that I understand why 95% of the people I talked to said it was lame.

That's my review!

Adios Amigos~

Quote

"Any idiot can face a crisis. It's the day to day living that wears you out."
-Chekov

I read this quote in the book, "Captivating," the female version of "Wild at Heart." John Eldridge and his wife, Stasi co-wrote this one, it's good.

This quote made me stop and think. It's in reference to how women are tired and drained, but it's not from a life of shared adventures, it's from lives that are crammed with routine, chores, and hundreds of demands. It says that, "Somewhere between our youth and yesturday, efficiency has taken the place of adventure."

I think it can also be applied to men as well, we all have that sense of life being filled with demands that wear us out, instead of adventures that are fulfillingly tiring.

Any thoughts?

Wet Dog Stinks!

Tonight is my last night of house/dog sitting and I have to say that I am ready to be done. I always forget that it is more work than I think, until I get the list of pets/amphibians/reptiles to feed, not to mention the dog and cat.
There are always more things to do than you think.. like feeding the Bearded Dragon meal worms and lettuce every other day, watering the boy's jalepeno plant every day, cleaning out the water dish of the turtle and feeding it lettuce every other day. Oh, and once while they're gone feed the slimy tree frog some meal worms as well. The feeding just consists of tossing the worms in their cages, but first I use a fork to sift through the sawdust to find the nasty things. And this evening, while tossing the lettuce in the dragon's cage, it decided to lunge at my hand, the lettuce flew all over the cage and I quickly shut the top. ICK! What teenage girl in their right mind has an ugly dragon for a pet?? I guess this one does, but not me... I'm doing well to keep a fish alive for more than 3months.

I had to work later today and didn't think of how it was pouring outside, and the dog stays out all day long. OOPS... I got home to find the neighbor girl who walks the dog every day, standing with an umbrella waiting to tell me something about the dog. Turns out she "got her period" in the girl's words :). Yes, she went into heat and so that means she's dripping, so I kept her outside. But, the rain was letting up and did stop by about 7:30, so I didn't feel bad. I called their owners and he said it was fine to leave her out. I can have a clear concience(how do you spell that??). So, she was a wet stinky dog when I let her in to go in her kennel tonite. I'm not awful though, I did dry her off with towels as best I could!

I've come to the conclusion that I'm really okay with not having animals at this point in my life. I had a dog and cat growing up and loved them, but I've now grown accustomed to not having hair all over and not having the extra responsibility. I do think that I'd let my children have pets though, they are great for helping them learn responsibility... and good companions as well.

That's the long and short of it... until next time... free of pets...

toodles-

Have you ever?

This is a very random one today...
so anyways...

Today on my way to work I was listening to my new Jack Johnson cd... i should say new to my ears because it's Brushfire Fairytales, not the newest one, In Between Dreams, I already have that one. Okay, so as I was listening to the song "Mudfootball" I started clapping with the song at the end. It has the claps in it already, it was just the oddest thing, because I usually am not one to do motions to songs, especially while driving in my car. I must have been really into the song. It just made me laugh... ever do those things? It's kind of like speaking before you think, but in actions :) haha.

that's all for today...

toodles-

Always an Adventure!

My sister and I got together last night for dinner and much needed catch-up sister bonding time. We met in Albertville at the outlet mall because she moved up to Sartell in the spring, and that's about half-way for us.
A little way down the road from the mall there are some little retail stores etc., Coburns'(apparently my sisters favorite new(to her) grocer), and a "Majors" grille and bar. I had never eaten there, so we decided to give it a shot. They had a special going on, you could get a 10" one topping pizza for just $4!! Sweet... so we both did that.
We caught each other up on all the drama and not drama that was going on and I shared with her stories and pictures of Belize. When we finished eating we started looking at pictures and just five short minutes into it, 50cent and other bump-n-grind songs were pumped into the speakers. Wouldn't you know, we picked the DJ night to have a good sister bonding time, ugh... owell, we drove back to my car and sat in her Jimmy looking at the rest of the pictures and jabbered for another hour and a half or so.
Close to when we were just realizing we should probably leave (it was close to 11pm), we heard a few clicks. It didn't really do anything else so it didn't phase us. Well, turns out that if you sit in a car with the radio on for a long time, it just might cause the battery to die. DOH! What the heck were we thinking?
Here the adventure starts... we of course don't have jumper cables, that would be way too convenient. Not a big deal, we'll just go to the nearest gas station and buy some, then they'll be there for future mis-haps. We get to the first gas station... closed. Second gas station.... closed. Third gas station... you get my point, closed. Damn small towners and closing early, it's all the fault of those pay at the pumps!
Then we think, oh yeah, we'll go to Coburns, they're a store, they should have jumper cables...
nope, they'd be in the gas station connected to the store which was of course.. closed. And of course they are seperate entities, so you still can't buy anything from them.
So, with two sleeping children at home, I wouldn't ever think to have Pat come down and get Karen, so I drove her home. I decided to just stay there the night and get to work early this morning... so on the way I stopped at Target and had an excuse to buy a new shirt and unmentionables... i hate the words that describe them, so anyways... (i should have put the word "panties" on my survey from wed. night about what word you hate... but I don't know if that would've been appropriate... for those of you who don't know... the leaders filled out a survey of questions and they'd read random ones for the kids to guess which leader it is/was)

So... there you have it! I'm off to a Howie Day performance... a free show in fact! Hurray for free events! Mpls Aquatennial starts up.. woop woop!

toodles all...

Happy 4th of July!

Hello again my friends... what a beautiful day to celebrate our Nation's birthday!

As I sit here, this is the second day I've been back from the beautiful country of Belize and I'm glad to be home. Sometimes I have a hard time being home, but this time around it feels really good to not be sweating 24/7 and not have biting flies attacking me at night, or unrestful nights of sleep because of those two things.

Today I will be spending the day with my parents, my sister's fam, and our good friends The Robinson's. We're going to Lake Orono in Elk River... picnicing and playing in the water with the boat... tubing and what not. And at the end of the day I believe they shoot off fireworks over the open water. Fun stuff!

I'm off to do that, but wanted to post something finally after two weeks down. :)
Have a blessed and safe day!

Good, busy weekend

As I sit here this monday morning and think of all the things I did this weekend, while still being able to get a good grasp on the things I needed to accomplish, I'm feeling pretty good. I had a little bit of a melt down yesturday, but my parents were there to see me through it and help me relax.
I just want to say that I love my friends... all of them. We're all at really different places in life and at times it is a struggle to know how it is changing and how to adapt. But, I think if you just keep trying to figure it out and wade through the confusing stuff, it'll figure itself out. The outcomes may be different than you had hoped, or maybe better than you hoped. In the end, you can look back at the journey through and learn from those ups and downs, twists and turns.
Sure, there are the times where those friendships really take a hault, but I do believe very much the saying that goes something like this, "friends come and go, but your true friends will be with you always... no matter the distance or length of time between being in touch" and also that "friends/people are there for certain times in life, and though you may never see them again, it doesn't make that time any less significant"

Anyways.... All that to say... I'm leaving tomorrow for Belize. I'll be gone until July 2nd, I will see you all at that time and have many stories and pictures to share.
Peace be with ya'll until then...
love ya

Unexpected Reactions to X&Y

Okay, this is a quick review, but I didn't want to put it off any longer. I bought the new coldplay cd right away at Target on Tuesday because it was only $10!! That was awesome! So, I was anticipating a great cd from beginning to end and when I popped it in the first time, it totally didn't grab me. I mean, I guess not all cds are like that, but with U2's new album the first song is just rockin' and sweet(now overplayed) and I actually had to take a couple listens to love the whole thing. Getting back to Colplay now, I listened to the first song in my car and like I said, it wasn't what I expected. That was the farthest I got until I pulled into work(it's very close to Target)... so I put it into my co-workers computer because she has louder speakers than mine, and I was really disapointed because the vocals were just nowhere to be heard... well, you could sort of hear them but not well. Since it was not my computer and not my speakers, I wasn't familiar with them and tried all I could to improve, so I was thinking that maybe it was the recording or how they wanted it. I was beginning to really wonder what I bought.
Well, it finally finished on the other computer and I decided to test it out on mine... WOW, what a difference! I could hear the vocals, that really makes all the difference in the world... you're all probably saying "duh.. hello, obviously it was the speakers"... but stranger things have happened, I tell you! Upon the second go through I was much more happy, but it definitely has a different tone. I really like Chris Martin's voice, and that hasn't changed. I think my favorite song so far is "Fix You"... mostly for an awesome instrumental bridge at the mid-end of the song. Calling it an intrumental sounds really boring... but it's awesome! I was never in formal music classes, so I don't remember terminology for what I'm hearing other than it just builds up to a climax and goes off into beautifully rocking guitar riff or sorts. I don't know much more how to explain it, but I really like it!
There's a non deep review of it... have a wonderful night... i'm off to dream-land now...
night all!

Memorial Day

On the evening of memorial day I went to see the fireworks at Harriett Island in St. Paul. I love fireworks, and they were a great start to a season of fireworks to come. The thing I love about those is that K102 puts together a montage of songs(not country!!) and spoken word tributing to veterans and present soldiers, etc. If you haven't noticed already, I am a big music junkie and it just grabs me and speaks in ways that plain words can't. I never quite know how I am going to react, and sometimes I don't understand fully why tears come.
I've never been one to feel like a huge patriotic parader, especially after my first trip to Haiti. I remember hearing the song "God Bless America" I cringed inside as I watched fireworks with a group of friends. I had tears, but not of pride and loyalty to my country, I was angry and didn't understand why America should be so blessed. Why wasn't it Haiti, Belize, India, Uganda, or Kenya that God blessed?
So, again, while watching these fireworks and hearing "I'm Proud to Be An American" the tears come. I try to figure out why because it's not those same feelings I had 6 or so years ago. I think it partly has to do with music just speaking to my soul in a way I don't understand, and also because I (in the case of this song) translate "proud" into thankful. I'm grateful to all of the troops fighting, and for the ones who have fought before them. I still don't understand, but I'm incredibly thankful to God that He has put me in this place of freedom. I'm so thankful, that I want to do everything I can, to serve and honor Him and use what He has given me. And really, to kind of answer that question I pondered years back, it's not that God hasn't blessed them. As wise men have said, this world is filled with good AND evil. The question could really spin off into one of those Sovreignty of God talks... which is more than I want to tackle or start at this point(especially since it's midnight). The point is... I don't know. Only God knows... one day all of the questions will be answered. Until then, I'm not going to make myself crazy trying to figure it out.

the decision

So... my decision about Coldplay...
not gonna do it.... :( to much saddness... but not regret because David had a good point that I'm sure in the next few years they will be here again. I hope this makes me no less of a Coldplay fan though. The reason for my plight is that I didn't really think of the money factor, i was thinking i'd just charge em, but i just can't bring myself to do it... the prices are indeed lower than U2, but not as low as I originally thought. And, right now, I have decided to make some financially smart decisions because as of late I haven't been. I have to start sometime and regretfully it is for this. Sacrifices sometimes have to be made... I feel a bit strange posting this kind of reason... so don't feel bad or anything like that. I'm really feeling okay about it, much worse things could happen(ie. see haiti blog). Maybe I'll win some off the radio... atleast I hadn't asked anyone if they'd want to go, that would really have sucked to tell them I couldn't.
Tha tha tha thaaaat's all folks!

my half birthday

wow... it doesn't seem that long ago that i was celebrating my 24th birthday, and now it's already been 6mos! I'll be old next year... 25, that's really really old! :) haha... just kidding
maybe my car insurance will go down more than a dollar this time! That's what it has been doing every six months lately... I have no idea why... maybe it's from the speeding ticket getting further and further away... think i got that in 01'... anyways...
another random thought from me...

have a happy and hopefully sunny day!

Coldplay blues

Two blogs in one night... is that allowed? sure it is...
so, i just thought i'd let anyone who cared about my other coldplay post know, that i infact did NOT get into the lottery to have a chance at the pre-sale tickets. I think it was all a scam just to take up 1min. of my precious time! :) So, the debate now is... how much do I really desire to see them in concert? It's not like I've been a fan since they started... it was really only two years ago... actually barely two years ago. That really shouldn't matter... in that time I've grown to enjoy them... there was a time I put them down so as to not get sick of them... but realized I just don't think I will. The songs are unique enough to not all sound the same... except you always know that it's a Coldplay song... if they become as big as U2, i could always have the story that I was saw them in concert... before tickets started at 50bucks a pop (that's what it was for U2, then it jumped up to 160 or something awful like that). they start at 34 for CP..

anyways... are they worth it to stand in line at the box office/ticketmaster hours before, just to get tickets?? that is my quandry for the week, they go on-sale this sat.... i must make my decision by friday night... any Coldplay fans have pros/cons for me on this? Anyone been to a concert of theirs... or know anyone I could check with.... i'm in a conundrum :)

What you see is...

what you get!

so, this is me... the good, the bad, and the ugly, and beautiful and strange and wierd and all other sorts of things...
Dave's sermon today, I really liked. about knowing yourself, the part i liked was. (just saw star wars... trying to talk like yoda... don't think it's quite working:))
Seriously though, I loved it when he said you should know your weirdness or something to that effect. We've all got our own stange ways about us... one strange thing about me, that Rich B. just pointed out to me tonite is that I remember random things... but to me, they're not random.
I actually have been told that before, but maybe the downer to that is I can't remember really simple things... like bringing my gym shoes with me in the morning when I plan to work out after work and not stop home before. So... back to how they're not really random... for instance this particular thing I brought up I was actually wrong because the person I thought was apart of the memory was not. The memory was of a bunch of youth leaders all going to Rich's house and watching Ed... it was an abnormal crowd. Usually it was just him, me and a couple others. This time it was so full I sat on the floor cuz the couch was all taken. AND, we were watching the ED episode of the Lucid Dream... it was just so not the norm, and that is why I remembered.
So... just one of the unique/stange/wierd things about me... like I said... what you see, is what you get on this blog... i like variety and spice... so that's how it'll be :) just like how I changed the color :)... again, i prolly didn't have to explain... but that's me... it's what i do. if you don't like it... go home! :) haha
good night... it's past my bed, oh uh, wait, since when have i had a bedtime...
(i'm so cheesy) :)

Something resonated here...

I was reading "Esther" A Woman of Strength and Dignity by Charles Swindoll tonite and He wrote a paragraph that describes a bit of what I was trying to get at in my blogs about women's roles today, etc. It just felt good to read someone else's thoughts on it and maybe it will make more sense how he says it...

I feel great compassion today for the woman of God who has to endure the nonsense that comes from the media regaurding her role, her significance, her place in society. I don't know of anyone who has more right to be confused than the woman of today. She receives all sorts of answers, all sorts of mixed messages, all sorts of alleged proof that independence is the only way to fly and that doing your own thing and becoming what you please will bring you peace and lasting joy. Women must wonder at times, in the midst of this whirlwind, what exactly they are supposed to do. What exactly are they supposed to be.

I'm glad I know the God of this world and I know where He wants me and what I want to strive for, in His eyes. I know that my role is not defined by society or what they say is right or wrong, but I am human, so it is easy to forget those simple yet truthful things about me and about whose I am.

(so, maybe I should start a blog that is more for serious things, and another for the "random" thoughts that I have that aren't so serious... or maybe this makes for an interesting blog because you never know what tone it will take on... whatevah :))

Fresh and New...

I decided to change the look of my site to a little more clean and fresh looking. You may find as time goes on that it may happen again. I get bored with the same look all the time... I like to switch things up. Which reminds me, I really need a new desktop image too... I usually change it every couple of weeks or so. I'm sure you don't care, but I just thought I'd give an explanation of the change. :) Change is good... Just like the days we've been having again... nice and sunny... i love the sun! Oh, yes, I was going to write a little blog about this...
Today had to go pick up lunch, so on my break I had the opportunity to be outside for a short bit. I love that feeling when you've been in a cold air conditioned building and then you come outside (or get into your sun beated car) and the heat just envelopes you, even if it's not deathly hot or humid. I thought of the analogy today that it gives you a hug... that kind of hug when it's from someone you least expect and they just come up from behind and give you a big squeeze. Tingles of warmth wash over your whole body and you just want to stand there for a moment and take it in. I love the sun!
sing with me now... "Mr. Sun, sun... Mr. Golden Sun..." that's all I remember...

So, here's to the sun and here's to the new fresh look!
i'm outie...

Shiver Me Timbers!

My pirate name is:

Calico Bess Rackham

Often indecisive, you can't even choose a favorite color. You're apt to follow wherever the wind blows you, just like Calico Jack Rackham, your namesake. You have the good fortune of having a good name, since Rackham (pronounced RACKem, not rack-ham) is one of the coolest sounding surnames for a pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

Coldplay in Concert!! (and on snl this sat. night!)

So, I'm really excited because Coldplay is going to be here in September, close to the time that U2 will also appear. I unfortunately was not able to get tickets to U2's show... so I'm determined to get tickets for Coldplay, so I'm ready this time. If you log onto their site and become a member, you can have access to a pre-sale of tickets.
They send you an email where you then enter what show you want, qty of tickets which the max was 4, and your email. They then will send me an email to confirm wether I got into this "lottery" to even have a chance at the pre-sale tickets. It still seems a hassel and quite annoying, but I'm doing what I can I guess. So, if I get in, they'll send me another email with this website to get to, to pre-order the tickets on May 24th...
I'm not sure anyone really cares so much to hear all of that.. but it was just on my mind and I'm hoping so much that I can get tickets to this concert!!
There was an interesting interview with them, mainly Chris Martin, in Blender this month. And, if you didn't hear, they are also going to be on SNL this saturday night. Gotta love em'!

Wedding Let down

Well, I'm all done with my two wedding weekends in a row. If you hadn't known, I was IN two weddings one weekend after the other. I hate how things end so quickly though, when you're building up for it, for so long, and then it's all over before you're ready.
The first wedding was fun because I was a bridesmaid along with one of my dearest friends, Angela. It made the day all the more fun, and at the end of the day we could drive home and hold each other up and not have so much of that "wedding let-down." I think it comes on more if you've been in the wedding because like I said, you plan for so long and then it's over. Especially for the attendants, and especially if you're single. You're good friend who got married plans and plans and then they get a sweet reward when it's over. I, on the other hand, go home and feel just a bit low. I'm not writing this to be a pathetic wimpering single girl, I'm confident for that one day, but it doesn't make the feeling in the moment any better. It's a reality, and if I ignore those feelings it will only get worse in the long run.
The wedding last night was a blast, but this one came with more emotion because I know Corinne and Rich so much better. There's a huge high of all the prep because it's a bunch of people I know to have fun and get ready with, walk down the aisle with, eat and drink with, and best of all DANCE with! :) (ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' Alive, stayin' Alive)
I saw a couple of people I hadn't seen in so long and it was great to connect with them as well. I think God really knows when and where to place people in your lives, even if it's just for a moment. One such lady, Janelle Jukabowski, had just the right words for me. I didn't even have to say any of the thoughts I had been thinking, she just said, "I will be praying for you" very intentionally and spoke words that really mattered.
I also saw a man who I've known over the years at more of a distance, him and my dad know each other and his wife and I were in a class at church last summer. I never knew he really knew who I was, but last night he greeted me and gave me a quick squeeze. And again, just spoke a few words. I don't remember what they were, but it was just a sweet gesture that I was blessed by.
So, getting back to that "let down" thing... it really wasn't as bad at the very end of the night. I had two very nice guys to hang out with and sway my mind from that. We went and "watched" a movie. I try to live up to the fact that I don't fall asleep during movies, but wow, I was more tired than I thought! Owell....anyways...
All in all, I was incredibly honored and blessed to be in the weddings these past two weeks, it was fun and an experience I'll not soon forget. I wouldn't trade the low feelings I am going through now, for anything. They're worth the price of standing by and supporting two wonderful couples... and other couples to come.
Peace-